That's Just Bad

I would like to take an opportunity at the beginning of the New Year 2017 to give shout outs to the media and the articles about our children, the brave and intrepid children of these articles, who are our future and will make a difference in our lives, our communities, and the world. Their voices, their actions, their dreams are so important right now to have exposure, a forum, an ear of everyone who can listen, have an open mind, and a willing heart for some real changes.

Thank you Jerry Large, columnist for the Seattle Times, for your article on “Bully Busters Take on Rude Pols” (December 19, 2016). You highlighted the bully issues that girls face everyday. Emma Coopersmith, Lilah Aman-Lucas, and Lola Hurst saw the big picture of the political campaigning and nailed what is wrong. They have started their anti-bullying campaign because of “that awful stuff that was said during the election about women and their bodies and their capabilities.”  These eleven year old girls have a voice, have pens and know how to use them.

“Three sixth-grade girls heard mean comments during the recent presidential campaign that made them think politicians could use lessons in good behavior, so they’re doing some teaching. They created a campaign called D.C. Bully Busters, which encourages kids to send letters to political leaders in Washington, D.C., schooling them on how to deal with bullying. The girls also are reminding the rest of us that we can meet negative stuff with positive action.” - Jerry Lange

Another loud, proud shout out to the January 2017 National Geographic, Special Issue, GENDER Revolution, that is dedicated to global issues relating to gender, focusing on the young people in different parts of our world, and how societies deal with sexual orientation, especially redefining the very term “gender”. As if this is not confusing enough for most of us, there are now twenty-one definitions in one article on redefining gender "A Portrait of Gender Today": Agender, Androgynous, Cisgender, Gender binary, Gender conforming, Gender dysphoria, Gender expression, Genderfluid, Gender Identity, Gender marker, Gender nonconforming, Genderqueer, Intersex, LGBTQ, Nonbinary, Pronouns, Puberty suppression, Queer, Sexual Orientation, Transgender and Transsexual

The entire special issue is a beautifully done and vital edition which gives credence to those who are marginalized in all parts of the world. What we are finally acknowledging is the need to embrace all our differences. The power struggles will never end, for there will always be bullies and demagogues that make it a challenge to exist true to oneself and not as part of a herd, or ideology that suits only a narrow spectrum. These nine-year-old children across the globe comment on how their lives are, will be, and should be; it is not often pretty, but strikingly honest and sometimes, hopeful.  Much has changed, but not enough. The last paragraph on page 33 sums it up succinctly: “The aspiration mentioned most often, across the lines of geography and gender, was summed up by Avery Jackson. If the world were hers to change, she said, there would be ‘no bullying. Because that’s just bad.’”

Nine year olds and eleven year olds leading the way out of the darkness. We as a nation, and as individuals, have had a long, arduous journey through the political wasteland of an election year. Your party affiliation does not matter, finger pointing and complaining about the process is futile; what we must do is put together the strewn pieces of the puzzle to make a whole picture of our government, of our nationality and lives, once again. That is what we do as Americans in a representative government--we roll up our sleeves and get to work. We put on our walking shoes and march, we put pen to paper and publish opinions, we take an active part and use our voice for change, our time, money and skills in our participation in the governing process.

It is a right of a democratic society to vocalize and mobilize in our communities, in meetings, through the media and demonstrations. Let us never forget our rights or cede our rights to voice our opinions and demand to be heard. Let us not succumb to the bullies, either in our politics or schools, work places, homes or relationships. Let all of us strive to be a change for equality and gender recognition, making it safe for children and adults to live their lives without fear of physical, emotional or mental cruelty. We can make positive changes, and we must be bigger than our petty selves and validate our humanity. We must do so for the children. Emma Coopersmith, Lilah Aman-Lucas, and Lola Hurst, the Bully Busters, and Avery Jackson, a representative voice of children globally, got it right.  And that’s just good.

Crossing the Line

The young man cannot go into the boy’s bathroom, nor the girl’s, at least not until all the girls have left, for fear of being harassed, verbally or physically. He cannot be a team member of a school sport, because he will not sign up on a girl’s team. Yet, he told me, these are small sacrifices for claiming his rightful self.
I recently had the opportunity to interview this young man, whom I will nickname Anon, transitioned from girl to boy, daughter to son, sister to brother. At five years old, he knew that it was not right for him to wear girl’s clothing, nor did he act “like a girl.” But his family simply accepted his behavior as tomboyish and dismissed his inclinations to be a boy. In his late teens, Anon made the decision to cross the border, rightfully own his “self”, and actualize his manhood.

Yes, he has been bullied, by both girls and boys. He has been threatened and asked inappropriate questions, about his sexuality and other personal issues. Former girl-friends want to “fix” him, make him feminine enough to “fit in”; but he does not want to fit in, he wants to be who he is.

Imagine yourself on the most difficult journey of being born and then discovering that you have been transported into this world in the wrong body. By age six, our gender identity--if we are female or male--is formed. Overwhelming testimonies of transgender youth knew they were “different”, trapped inside an alien body, even before they could articulate their need for the right name, clothes, toys and recognition for being the “other”.

Until a transgender person can transition into their true identity, this constant opposition of two identities, known as gender dysphoria, can be confusing, mentally painful and disruptive on many levels in their lives, as well as for their families. Then, when the individual makes the decision to transition to the right body, she to he, he to she, the real struggles begin. This is evidenced by the statistics reported by the CDC:

• "33% of transgender youth have attempted suicide,
• 55% of transgender youth report being physically attacked,
• 74% of transgender youth reported being sexually harassed at school,
• 90% of transgender youth reported feeling unsafe at school because of their gender expression,
• 78% reported having been verbally harassed,
• 48% reported having been victims of assault, including assault with a weapon, sexual assault or rape.

CDC reports regarding transgender youth state that such victimization, in turn, is associated with HIV risky behaviors. Youth who had been threatened or bullied at school were more likely to have been diagnosed with an STD, injected drugs, had more than four sex partners, and not used a condom the last time they had sexual intercourse than those who had not been threatened or bullied at school.

Nine out of ten transgender youth feel unsafe in school because of gender identity or expression. The rate of drop out, suicide and homelessness is disproportionately high for our transgender youth." (Source: http://dragitout.org/2011/12/transgender-youth-statistics.html)

A national study reported an even higher incidence of suicide:  41 percent. This is more than 25 times the rate of the general population; among trans people ages 18-44, the suicide attempt rate was 45 percent.
One of the biggest issues many trans people face is the difficulty of changing gender. Transitioning from one gender to another can take many forms, but often requires hormone therapy and sometimes surgery on breasts and/or genitals. Yet transgender people overwhelmingly say it's worth it.

After transitioning, transgender people show a significant decrease in substance abuse problems and depression, for example, and their mental health significantly improves, says clinical psychologist Gail Knudson, a professor in the department of sexual medicine at the University of British Columbia and medical director of the Transgender Health Program at Vancouver Coastal Health.

Anon has a good chance of beating the odds; he is one of the few lucky teens who have the support of family, friends and a girlfriend. His school is also supportive with programs for transgender youth as well as gay, lesbian, and other youth who have chosen a non-conforming lifestyle. As well as seeing a therapist, Anon goes to POW!* (Proud Out Wonderful, an organization for LGBTQ youth 13-21 years old; the term "LGBTQ" stands for "lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, & queer") and finds community with others who have stories to tell. A staggering 1.6 million LGBTQ youth are homeless, rejected because of their non-conformity.

I also spoke with Anon’s parents, who had their own challenges with their child’s transitioning. But throughout their struggles, one thing remained constant:  their love for their child and that held true throughout the tumultuous times. As Anon’s mother explained so well, “We mourn the loss of our daughter, but celebrate the birth of our son.”

Interested in learning more? Anon and his mother recommend two essential books to read:  It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying and Creating a Life Worth Living by Dan Savage (Editor)--which is from a wonderful website featuring the project, IT GETS BETTER (this is so worth exploring for its compassionate and erudite resources for the LGBTQ youth)--and the excellent The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper. These are invaluable guides for anyone--parents, siblings, family, friends, schoolmates, social workers, co-workers--who want to understand someone who may be in transition, who may be-coming of self. We may come into this life alone, but we should not be forced to live a life apart from others.

I firmly believe that we, all of the people that make up the community in Anon’s life and the lives of the LGBTQ, owe it to these individuals to use the tools, such as the programs, literature and anti-bullying laws, to actively seek justice, equality and acceptance into society for all of our children, so that they may become vital and productive adults. This is, after all, in all of our own best self-interest; these are the future caretakers of our planet, community and senior citizens, which ultimately, will be each and every one of us.

*Notes: Through West Seattle-based Navos Mental Health Solutions, a new organization in Burien called "POW!", or Proud Out And Wonderful, assists 13 to 21 year-olds who may identify with being gay or lesbian. The organization states it welcomes "all lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, and allies". According to Intersex Society of North America, "Intersex is a socially constructed category that reflects real biological variation.” 

POW! meets at an anonymous location in Burien every Wednesday from 4:00 pm to 6:00 p.m. Those who attend are also promised anonymity. According to the POW! Facebook Page, "We are a Queer Youth Group providing support and activism in South King County." Its mission, "To provide a safe space for LGBTQ youth to support each other, access resources and wellness tools, and gain the leadership skills to create positive change in their communities." 

The term "LGBTQ" stands for "lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, & queer". The POW! site explains that, "We join with others in reclaiming the use of the word 'queer'. This word, which was used as a weapon against LGBTQ folks for years, is now being used by us and others as an inclusive term. Many people who do not feel that they fit in traditional categories (of gender and sexual orientation) or do not feel that these categories are useful, can come together under a shared identity."