Thankful

Sometimes I forget how blessed I am. Like many people, I tend to chew on the should-ofs, could-ofs, and would-ofs, becoming embroiled in thoughts that cloud the positive happenings in my life. I used to make bargains with myself: rollerblade six days a week and do a “gratitude” list for ten minutes out of an hour, and only then was I no longer obligated to stay positive. Unfortunately this left too much time to stew in the negativity. Usually I could talk myself into a better mood; at least I felt a better balance in my life. Nowadays, I forgo the bargaining and just gently remind myself to renew and review my gratitude list daily, or at least weekly.

I have recently given some thought on “Thanksgiving” and what it means to me. What am I thankful for? Well, for one, how could I not be thankful for two weeks in Honolulu? At this moment, the sun pours over the city, scattering diamonds across the water and deepening the melatonin in my skin. And I have savored a perfect latte while drinking in the beauty of early mornings gifted with magnificent rainbows arcing across a crisp blue sky.

But when I really think about it, my first thoughts are of the people in my life who enrich my soul and make my days count. After 37 years, my husband can still make me laugh out loud at his quick repartee and I thank God every day that I met him. And, I also thank God that I did not hit my husband yesterday for that most annoying remark! I have friends who are the glue that keeps me from falling to pieces. I once thought I was a loner, but what a goose I was to think I would want to inhabit a sterile world without friendships. I've come to realize that my aloneness was a prison; I am fortunate to have been paroled and to have formed relationships that sustain me, giving me the freedom to be myself—loved  and wanted for who I am.

And I do not say lightly that I love my family—feeling grateful for them uses up at least eight of the ten minutes I allot for reviewing my gratitude list. I am truly thankful for the relationship I have with my brother, who had the good sense to marry a woman I love deeply as a sister/friend, and their children.

As the holidays rush toward me, and as I shop, cook, wrap presents, decorate, and entertain, I am reminded that this is but one way, once a year, I can slow down, remember, and say how much I love and appreciate the positive happenings in my life.