When the Bully and the Victim are the Same Person

A growing number of bullying experts are recognizing that abusive self-talk, or self-bullying, can have long-term detrimental effects on our self-esteem, especially with teens. Think about it: your inner voice is always with you. Most of us would avoid spending time with anyone who regularly criticized, attacked, or denigrated us. And, we'd certainly not want our children exposed to such behavior. Some believe their inner voice, even when it is hurtful, motivates them to be a better person. But, unfortunately, the end result is not excellence but more guilt, shame and emotional pain. I encourage you to consider the ramifications of self-bullying in your own life and the lives of those you love. I've found a few resources to get you started. 

Bullying: The Really Big Problem Behind the Really Big Problem 
by Jonathan Hewitt, Founder, Life Ki-do Parenting, Martial Arts and Life Education, HuffingtonPost.com

"...I believe that the really big problem behind the really big problem is self-bullying.

I have taught anti-bully programs to children and teens for 20 years. I have taught the mental, emotional, verbal and physical safety skills to prevent and deal with a bully situation. Of course, there is huge benefit to these kinds of programs, but at some point I realized that it just wasn't enough. I wasn't addressing the problem behind the problem.

Under the tremendous pressure and influence of peers and media, kids today are bombarded more than ever with how they should look, how they should act and who they should be. Because no child can possibly live up to these false standards, it all becomes fertile ground for self-directed negative thoughts, harsh self-judgments and damaging comparisons.

The problem compounds because when children don't know how to deal with their own self-negativity, they look for other ways to alleviate the pain. Too often a child will try to feel better about himself by putting down someone else. Thus it's a domino effect and without addressing self-bullying, we will never have a chance of making a big dent in the bullying problem."
Read the entire article 

Stand Up To Self-Bullying 
Approach yourself with compassion for a happier life. 
by Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D., Psychology Today.com

"Do you think of yourself as a nice and caring person to others; yet simultaneously criticize and push yourself mercilessly? If so, I hope you’ve given serious consideration to the inherent contradiction in this. It’s important to acknowledge that you are bullying an extremely important person—you!

Instead of continuing this self-destructive behavior, consider learning to treat yourself as well as you treat others; particularly when you are struggling or distressed. The best way to do this is by relating to yourself with compassion."
Read the entire article

Self-Bullying is Being Mean to Yourself 
by Hey U.G.L.Y.com

"According to Hey U.G.L.Y.'s National Spokesperson, American Idol Contestant and singer/songwriter Devyn Rush, 'After all, no one is a perfect person, and no one really has a perfect life. It is important that we not compare ourselves with others because there will always be someone we'll consider more attractive, smarter, more talented, or who has a cuter boyfriend/girlfriend, or more money, etc.

The next time that voice in your head tells you that you are not good enough, just picture a face with that voice. Picture a scared child. Now imagine that scared child is you when you were young. Hold that child and tell him/her that he/she IS ENOUGH. Think about all of the things that you do well and compliment that little child on each one. Maybe you're good at singing, dancing, biking, running, drawing, etc. Maybe you are a great friend, good at math, writing, etc. When we take good care of ourselves, and surround ourselves with friends and family who love us that just has to be good enough!

If we focus our energies on what we do have, and make the most of it--instead of obsessing about what we don't have--it can help us feel like we really ARE enough.'"
Read more about self-bullying and teens