Review: When Dating Becomes Dangerous

As a parent myself, I understand how difficult it can be to talk to your children about dating and sex, not to mention abuse or rape. But we must remember that we are our child’s most important advocate and these challenging conversations are vitally important to our child’s healthy sexual and emotional development.

• So, exactly how do you explain to your teen that excessive anger, coercion, violence or abuse are NOT signs of love?
• How do you model personal boundaries and healthy relationships?
• How do you explain date/acquaintance rape?
• What are the warning signs that your teen is in an abusive relationship?
• How do you communicate the warning signs to your teen BEFORE he/she begins dating?
• What do you do and say if your teen is the abuser?
• When do you take action to help your child who is in an abusive relationship?
• Why do teens stay in abusive relationships and how can you help your child break up with an abuser?
• When do you need to get outside help and where can you turn?

If you need specific information and guidance on these topics and more, look no further than the new book When Dating Becomes Dangerous: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Relationship Abuse. The authors are parents and experts in this field. Patti Occhiuzzo Giggans, MA, is the executive director of Peace Over Violence, a national organization that provides education, advocacy, and intervention on the issues of sexual and personal violence. Barrie Levy, MSW, is the author of several books on teen dating violence including In Love and in Danger: A Teen’s Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships.

When Dating Becomes Dangerous is easy to read, informative, and an excellent source of conversation starters. The many case studies, specific examples, checklists, anecdotes, and detailed responses to interviews with parents and teens provide topics for conversations and encourage you to help your teen think about her/his own experiences as well as definitions of abusive behavior and healthy relationships. The chapter on “Strengthening Your Relationship With Your Teen” can help you set your own boundaries, understand your feelings, accept your teen’s right to make choices, and, especially, learn how to listen and engage your teen effectively. The book also includes information on technology abuse, same-sex relationships, working through the break-up process, and how to use the legal system should it become necessary.

According to the authors, “What we address are the contradictions in the way men and boys have been raised and the way that women and girls have been taught to deal with relationships. We want families to have conscious conversations about what is expected in intimate relationships, rather than going by social or cultural platitudes. There is a difference in feeling angry and making somebody suffer because of it. We are teaching ways to handle frustration in productive manners instead of using violence.”

Want to know more? Listen to an interview with the authors in this podcast from February 2014 or purchase the book on Amazon