A Paean to Motherhood

I must admit:  to me, this whole parenthood thing is a conundrum. I think one of the most complicated and intense relationships is that between a mother and her child. The developing infant requires constant attention, affection and nurturing, creating a bond; all the while this dependent being is striving for independence. Push, pull, stay with me, leave me alone. One hand gripping our heart, the other tearing at the ties that bind. I remember the euphoric feeling of holding my newborn for the first time and the heartbreak when she left home as an adult.

I told myself I had done a good job raising an independent young woman but I never intended for her to join the Air Force and then move to Australia for five years. I remembered how I cried non-stop for that whole Thanksgiving weekend when she called to say she had been deployed to Iraq. And how I danced, paced the hours until she walked through the door, home again, and I hugged her and cried for joy.

I missed her terribly while she was in Australia and sometimes feared she would emigrate. But she is coming home in June. I know I will fall in love all over again with my child; but where she alights next is another chapter of her story. I know that I will slide again into the blue sea of mixed emotions that parenting brings. Sometimes I wish she could see me as a person and not just her mother, but that will never stop me from always pinning that badge on my heart and wearing it proudly.