Surviving the Holidays with Family Bullies

Ah, it's that time of the year again when we are often encouraged, cajoled, or even forced into spending time with relatives who may have made our childhoods miserable...and who may be continuing that treatment even today. Trust me when I say that I've never met someone who HASN'T had at least one story about family abuse around the holidays. Perhaps it was a cousin who shoved them aside at the holiday buffet table or an aunt who never let them forget the time they accidentally spilled the gravy all over the pumpkin pie (when they were 5 years old). Or any other number of seemingly funny-in-the-retelling but not-so-funny at the time incidents.

So what can you do? Avoid the holiday gatherings? Confront the bullying family members? Laugh at "yourself" while you seethe inside? Family bullies are still just bullies. And the methods for dealing with all bullies are the same: if  it's safe, stand up for yourself without being hurtful or, if you're afraid of being physically hurt, remove yourself from the situation. Remember, you DON'T have to stand there and take it, even when it's family.

And, don't forget to be a good bystander this holiday season: stand up for the cousin who's being teased and don't laugh at the hurtful jokes or stories.

Here's an excellent article I found at PsychCentral.com with some helpful advice:

When Bullies are Home for the Holidays Too
By Katherine Prudente, LCAT, RDT via PsychCentral.com

Families bring up powerful feelings and interpersonal dynamics. It’s inevitable that old family dynamics are stirred up around the dinner table and that’s what makes the holidays so difficult, our past is present…AGAIN. Sometimes the bullies of our childhood were not kids on the playground but our siblings, parents, and extended family members.

As a child, you may have felt unable to find allies and keep yourself safe. Perhaps no matter how often you told your parents that your older sibling was being mean, it was dismissed. Or what if you were told to, “Turn the other cheek, it’s your brother/sister. They don’t mean it.” Worse, what if your parent was the aggressor?

Read the entire article here>>