Fifteen and twenty-one equaled thirty-six, the same age my mother is now. My Mom would be fifty-seven in twenty-one years, old but not ancient. But I guess I wouldn't know what she even looked like in twenty-one years if I wasn't going to be there. And I wouldn't know anything about anybody; my grandparents, my Dad, Slinky, Frank, Dean, Fran, Annie and all my other friends. Or how ninth grade would be, let alone the next twenty-one years of my life on Earth.
"Would Sarree be a good mother?" Better than me? I wondered.
"She wants only what is best for Yugo, even if it means giving him up to you. She would do that out of love for him, and I think that defines a good parent."
I thought about my Mom...and my Dad. I knew my Mom cared about my best interests, but to tell the truth, I had some doubts about my Dad.
"Would you be a good father?" The nagging uncertainty that had been hovering over my thoughts was out of my mouth, but I couldn't forget that Mr. D had rejected Yugo when he first met us at the gate.
Mr. D's face crinkled and he bowed his head. I don't think I hurt his feelings, exactly. More like he admitted there was some truth to what I'd said.
"I would try my very best," he replied, like he was pledging his word of honor. "I know that I would. For his sake, for Sarree, for my own. And, for you. I have come to understand a great deal about love, because of you."
I felt my face flush. I wondered if Mr. D could see the color red, or if he only sensed emotions. "Why did the Perfect Council go all weird about the pennies?" I dug them out of my pocket and put them in front of us on the table.
Mr. D stiffened, a rather odd reaction to a measly five cents. "That is a great deal of wealth to us here, Dusty."
"Five pennies?" I quipped, arranging them in row. "What's so valuable about these?"
"They contain the most precious resources on our planet. Resources that are regenerated every five hundred years." Mr. D's hand fluttered, then tapped lightly on the tabletop. "Just the minute amount of copper and zinc found in one penny allows us to build and maintain our city for a hundred years."
"You mean, I'm rich here?" What a neat thought!
"You are indeed," he answered with a chuckle, then, sounding just like an adult, added, "but you must realize you offended everyone by trying to buy Yugo."
Like I was some kind of slave trader! "I did not!" I shouted, totally mad. "They acted like he was worthless and all I wanted to prove was that I'd give everything I had to save him!"
Mr. D drew back. "Yes, of course, I know that. But there will be those who say you did not save Yugo out of love, but for gain. There will always be someone who will find fault with the why and wherefore of what you do."
"And I thought this was a perfect society," I groused. "No more perfect than my own." I wasn't real sure that I wanted to be left out of my rightful place back home, anymore.
"Dusty," Mr. D whispered, though Yugo slept on unaware of us and no one else could have overheard us, "look out the window!"
The colorless sky was no more! Streaks of reds, purples and pinks fanned across the horizon, like a brilliant Seattle sunset, though there hadn't been any sun to set. Lots of dust maybe, but no sun that I ever saw.
"What happened?" I whispered back.
"Once in a million years!" Mr. D's eyes sparkled and his face lit up with a smile. "This is a most rare occurrence!" He reached over and grabbed my hands pulling me onto my feet, adding with a little laugh, "You might say you've brought color to our world!"
He motioned to me and I swept Yugo into my arms as I followed Mr. D outside. A great crowd had gathered all along the sidewalks and in the street. A hushed murmur followed us as we walked down the middle of the street through a path left open for us. I felt x-rayed. Mr. D came to a halt in front of the mass and stood transfixed before the silent fireworks in the sky. Yugo woke and I shared his sense of joy and wonderment.
Then he began to chitter, squirming in my arms, and I knew Sarree was somewhere near us. I watched him eagerly searching for his mother, trying to communicate with me his sense of rightness, hope and belonging. I clutched him tighter, willing him to stop, but I knew I had already lost that special link with him.
I had to look away, up at the sky. Rainbows danced in my teary eyes. Once in a million years wouldn't be enough for me, that much I knew as a deep, intense longing filled me to go back home. I tried to tell myself that I was picking up Yugo's emotions, but I knew that this was my own, my very own, feeling. I guess I knew all along that it wouldn't work out with me staying here, that sooner or later I would want to go home again.
I understood it all; and I didn't understand any of it. The pain that had ripped my heart in two, left me feeling oddly at peace. I scanned the crowd, looking for that face I would recognize as Sarree. It wasn't hard to find her, for she was staring at me. Me and Yugo. Yugo blipped like radar when he spied her. I had a choice: break eye contact and turn away, or smile.
She strained to see over someone's shoulder and I lost sight of her momentarily. When I saw her head pop into view, I smiled and moved so that there was a space for her.
The sky dripped colors, like a wet painting. The gallery of Monosapiens oohed and ahhed, as Sarree squeezed between me and Mr. D. Yugo chirped and mewed, rocking in my arms, delighted that he had us all together. He reached out for Sarree and she hesitated but a fraction of a second before she took him from me.
He has it all, I thought, watching them, happy for all of them, yet tasting the bitterness of my loss. Mr. D smiled lovingly at Sarree and Yugo, his massive, white-furred hand on Sarree's elbow. She nuzzled Yugo, stroking his cheek. It was a perfect picture of a perfect family.
I was not the only one viewing the perfect scene, for others had noticed. It seemed all eyes were on us. What did they expect? I'd go crazy and run up and down the street, shouting and swearing? I stood quietly beside the family reunion until the onlookers lost interest and went back to sky gazing, then made my way back to Mr. D's house.
It wasn't easy to find. I had to walk up and down the little paths to the front doors and check out the nameplates. It would have been smart of me to have counted the houses, but it seems I get these good ideas too late. I had only walked in the door when Mr. D came in behind me.
"Dusty," he acknowledged my pain in saying my name.
"It's okay, Mr. D, really. I thought about it, and I know that it's better for Yugo to be with his mother. There's whole a lot I don't know about raising a Monosapien." I laughed, but it was half-heartedly.
He tipped his head. His smile was so nice, and his eyes were so kind!
"I'd like to go home."
"Yes." He indicated the five pennies on the table. "Take them."
I shook my head. "No, I'd like Yugo to have them."
Mr. D clasped his hands, his face a map of concerns. "That would not be wise. So much wealth for one individual would be a terrible imbalance in our society."
"Then for the three of you!" I shot back.
Eyes downcast, he sighed. "No."
With my back to Mr. D, I wiped the table clean of the pennies. I was about to pocket them all when I flashed on finding Yugo in the desert. There were probably others out there left to die.
I plunked a penny down on the table, turned and faced Mr. D. "Then this should be plenty to get enough food and shelter for all the misbegottens."
I had stunned Mr. D, I could see it in his face. "You will make sure of it, won't you Mr. D?"
"Of course I will," his voice rose and filled the room with warmth. "Of course I will," he repeated, coming to me and hugging me tightly. "Oh, Dusty, what a legacy you've left us!"
Well, at least it wasn't a bad pun like my Dad would have made. But still, I finally appreciated how making 'sense' could mean a lot of different things, all at the same time.
I was smothering and pulled away from Mr. D's chest. "Mr. D, how am I going to get home? I don't have a magic ring, ruby slippers or a mirror, so what's left---a space ship?"
He planted his hands firmly on my shoulders. I sucked on the inside of my bottom lip, to keep from smiling and crying, for I felt like doing both. We locked eyes, and I knew I would miss him and Yugo a lot, for a long, long time.
"I won't forget you, ever," I said, without even a crack in my voice.
He dropped his hands from my shoulders, brushing one hand across my forehead and down my cheek. "Nor I you."
Out of the corner of my eye I could see through the window that the colors had begun to wash out of the sky. Everyone began to drift away. Sarree and Yugo would be home soon.
"Just open your eyes, Dusty," intoned Mr. D. "Open your eyes."
Weren't my eyes already open? Confused, I squinted hard, trying to focus on Mr. D. I blinked and blinked again.
Showing posts with label bullies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullies. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
A Penny in Time Chapter 9: Courage (part 1)
"The woman, Dusty," matching fingers, Mr. D pressed his hands together, his voice husky, "is my partner, Sarree. And yes, she is Yugo's mother."
"Then Yugo is yours!" I blurted, rising part way out of my chair.
"No," he replied simply.
No? my thoughts spun, and I sat back down. If he wasn't the father, then someone else had to be.
"Here, where couples are together until death separates them, love is not the first consideration: compatibility is. But sometimes that is not enough. And one person cannot love enough to make up for the void."
"You loved her?" It came out in a squeaky whisper.
"I love her."
I couldn't help but glance quickly over my shoulder at Yugo, sleeping without a care in this world. "How can you say that after she deserted you and left her baby out in the desert to die?"
"She had no choice. Yugo was taken from her, unwillingly. Yugo's father died trying to bring him back. That happened, in fact, shortly before you arrived and rescued him."
Although Mr. D looked the picture of calmness, I wondered if he weren't torn up inside. I was, just thinking about all this. "Why did you take us in?"
He thought about that for awhile. "Because," he faltered, "because I had wanted so very much a second chance to right the imbalance in our lives."
I shook my head. "I don't understand."
"I love Sarree, but I didn't know that until after she left. Only then did I understand she could love another."
I could tell he struggled with his feelings by his shaky smile, and I was slightly embarrassed. Yugo stirred and cried out. I popped up out the chair, relieved to go over and cradle him in my arms. "I think he's hungry, again." I handed Mr. D the empty bottle.
With Mr. D busy in the kitchen, I thought about what he had said. Holding Yugo, Sarree's image floated in my thoughts; I got it loud and clear what he wanted most was to be with his mother. All my feelings were a hazy swirl of reds and greens, like anticipating Christmas morning, not because of the presents, but because I would be there with my family. But I couldn't see any faces I knew, only those of Sarree, Yugo and Mr. D. Maybe I was the "eyes" of the dreamer; there but not a part of it.
Yugo longed for his mother. Sarree. A stab of jealousy pierced me, but at the same time, I too, wanted to be home with my mother. We both wanted the same thing.
Mr. D handed the bottle to me without saying anything, like he knew I needed to think through my feelings. I fed Yugo, very careful not hurry him as he lapped at the chalky stuff, burping him every few minutes. He was so happy! I had to smile and even began to hum 'Old McDonald had a farm' to him.
He fell back asleep, and I swear he'd grown the short time I had him in my arms. He was heavier and looked longer as he curled up again on the couch. I didn't want to get up and leave him, happy to sit beside him drifting along our currents of contentment.
Mr. D waited in the dining room, seated once more at the table. We had more to discuss, but the questions no longer seemed that pressing to me. Or maybe, I had to admit to myself, I didn't want to know the answers.
But it's like an itch, the moment you think you're not going to think about it, you have to. I returned to the table and dropped into the chair facing Mr. D. "You said you love Sarree, but does she love you?"
His bushy eyebrows knitted together and I felt the weight of each word he said. "Sarree told me she respects and appreciates me for what I am."
"And you buy that?" I asked.
"It is a kind of love, Dusty. She's sincere and honest and truthful, and that is a sharing of oneself that is also a form of love."
"And she loves Yugo because she's his mother." And, I added to myself, he loves her, his mother.
"Yes."
"Where does that leave me?" All those feelings of jealousy and rejection tumbled out. I had to look away for a minute to catch my breath and swallow my tears. Outside, the sky was dingy gray, the color of dirty laundry. I missed the blue Seattle morning sky and the dark, starry nights. "I love Yugo, too. And I know," I insisted fiercely, "that Yugo loves me, too."
"Yes, he does." responded Mr. D evenly, looking steadily at me.
I felt a gentle prodding of my thoughts. "I'll take him home with me. My Mom would understand, I know she would. And I would give Yugo a good home, too!" I choked on my tears. "I swear it!"
"Childling," Mr. D smoothed away the tears, "there is no question about your love or ability to care for Yugo. But Yugo would not survive in your world."
I shook my head. "I survive here in his, he would in mine."
Mr. D cupped my chin in his hand. "Dusty, look at me. Would Yugo not be a curiosity, an animal to be caged for display in a circus or a zoo?"
"I wouldn't ever let that happen! No! no! I wouldn't!" I was really blubbering now.
He tipped my chin up so that I looked into his eyes. "You wouldn't want it to happen, Dusty, but how could it not? You couldn't very well hide him in your room, not for very long, even if you could find him food."
I swiped at the tears. "Then can I stay with you?"
"Yes, if you wish." He sat back again.
I hadn't expected him to say yes. My tears ended with one hiccup. "Isn't Sarree coming back here?"
"That depends on you." Mr. D nodded, his face softened by his smile.
"What do you mean, Mr. D?" I shook my head, wishing I could shake out my confusion into some kind of order.
"It took a great deal of courage for you to cross the desert and go before the Perfect Council and fight for Yugo's right to live. You have shown the depth of your love and commitment. I have no right to ask you to give up your claim to Yugo, but I must ask you to think very carefully what this means."
There's always a catch, isn't there?
He looked at me without blinking. "You'll be responsible for Yugo until he comes of age. You will be the focus of his life, and always answerable to our society, even in the midst of changes, now." He leaned back, folding his arms across his snowy chest.
To be so powerful! Making decisions that mean something. Changes, which affect others' lives.
Though he spoke ever so softly, his words framed a clear picture of what life here would be like. "You have become a symbol of reformation, the catalyst of the changes that began with your arrival and your challenge to the Perfect Council. It is inevitable that your every action, every word, your daily life, will be watched, analyzed and criticized."
"Sort of like being under a microscope, huh?" I always felt a little sorry for those poor, unsuspecting specimens sandwiched between two slides, eyeballed to death. But then again, to be a part of Yugo's life, forever!
"Yes, Dusty, forever." He said it so quietly that I didn't fully catch the importance of 'forever'.
"Forever is a long time, Dusty."
"Then Yugo is yours!" I blurted, rising part way out of my chair.
"No," he replied simply.
No? my thoughts spun, and I sat back down. If he wasn't the father, then someone else had to be.
"Here, where couples are together until death separates them, love is not the first consideration: compatibility is. But sometimes that is not enough. And one person cannot love enough to make up for the void."
"You loved her?" It came out in a squeaky whisper.
"I love her."
I couldn't help but glance quickly over my shoulder at Yugo, sleeping without a care in this world. "How can you say that after she deserted you and left her baby out in the desert to die?"
"She had no choice. Yugo was taken from her, unwillingly. Yugo's father died trying to bring him back. That happened, in fact, shortly before you arrived and rescued him."
Although Mr. D looked the picture of calmness, I wondered if he weren't torn up inside. I was, just thinking about all this. "Why did you take us in?"
He thought about that for awhile. "Because," he faltered, "because I had wanted so very much a second chance to right the imbalance in our lives."
I shook my head. "I don't understand."
"I love Sarree, but I didn't know that until after she left. Only then did I understand she could love another."
I could tell he struggled with his feelings by his shaky smile, and I was slightly embarrassed. Yugo stirred and cried out. I popped up out the chair, relieved to go over and cradle him in my arms. "I think he's hungry, again." I handed Mr. D the empty bottle.
With Mr. D busy in the kitchen, I thought about what he had said. Holding Yugo, Sarree's image floated in my thoughts; I got it loud and clear what he wanted most was to be with his mother. All my feelings were a hazy swirl of reds and greens, like anticipating Christmas morning, not because of the presents, but because I would be there with my family. But I couldn't see any faces I knew, only those of Sarree, Yugo and Mr. D. Maybe I was the "eyes" of the dreamer; there but not a part of it.
Yugo longed for his mother. Sarree. A stab of jealousy pierced me, but at the same time, I too, wanted to be home with my mother. We both wanted the same thing.
Mr. D handed the bottle to me without saying anything, like he knew I needed to think through my feelings. I fed Yugo, very careful not hurry him as he lapped at the chalky stuff, burping him every few minutes. He was so happy! I had to smile and even began to hum 'Old McDonald had a farm' to him.
He fell back asleep, and I swear he'd grown the short time I had him in my arms. He was heavier and looked longer as he curled up again on the couch. I didn't want to get up and leave him, happy to sit beside him drifting along our currents of contentment.
Mr. D waited in the dining room, seated once more at the table. We had more to discuss, but the questions no longer seemed that pressing to me. Or maybe, I had to admit to myself, I didn't want to know the answers.
But it's like an itch, the moment you think you're not going to think about it, you have to. I returned to the table and dropped into the chair facing Mr. D. "You said you love Sarree, but does she love you?"
His bushy eyebrows knitted together and I felt the weight of each word he said. "Sarree told me she respects and appreciates me for what I am."
"And you buy that?" I asked.
"It is a kind of love, Dusty. She's sincere and honest and truthful, and that is a sharing of oneself that is also a form of love."
"And she loves Yugo because she's his mother." And, I added to myself, he loves her, his mother.
"Yes."
"Where does that leave me?" All those feelings of jealousy and rejection tumbled out. I had to look away for a minute to catch my breath and swallow my tears. Outside, the sky was dingy gray, the color of dirty laundry. I missed the blue Seattle morning sky and the dark, starry nights. "I love Yugo, too. And I know," I insisted fiercely, "that Yugo loves me, too."
"Yes, he does." responded Mr. D evenly, looking steadily at me.
I felt a gentle prodding of my thoughts. "I'll take him home with me. My Mom would understand, I know she would. And I would give Yugo a good home, too!" I choked on my tears. "I swear it!"
"Childling," Mr. D smoothed away the tears, "there is no question about your love or ability to care for Yugo. But Yugo would not survive in your world."
I shook my head. "I survive here in his, he would in mine."
Mr. D cupped my chin in his hand. "Dusty, look at me. Would Yugo not be a curiosity, an animal to be caged for display in a circus or a zoo?"
"I wouldn't ever let that happen! No! no! I wouldn't!" I was really blubbering now.
He tipped my chin up so that I looked into his eyes. "You wouldn't want it to happen, Dusty, but how could it not? You couldn't very well hide him in your room, not for very long, even if you could find him food."
I swiped at the tears. "Then can I stay with you?"
"Yes, if you wish." He sat back again.
I hadn't expected him to say yes. My tears ended with one hiccup. "Isn't Sarree coming back here?"
"That depends on you." Mr. D nodded, his face softened by his smile.
"What do you mean, Mr. D?" I shook my head, wishing I could shake out my confusion into some kind of order.
"It took a great deal of courage for you to cross the desert and go before the Perfect Council and fight for Yugo's right to live. You have shown the depth of your love and commitment. I have no right to ask you to give up your claim to Yugo, but I must ask you to think very carefully what this means."
There's always a catch, isn't there?
He looked at me without blinking. "You'll be responsible for Yugo until he comes of age. You will be the focus of his life, and always answerable to our society, even in the midst of changes, now." He leaned back, folding his arms across his snowy chest.
To be so powerful! Making decisions that mean something. Changes, which affect others' lives.
Though he spoke ever so softly, his words framed a clear picture of what life here would be like. "You have become a symbol of reformation, the catalyst of the changes that began with your arrival and your challenge to the Perfect Council. It is inevitable that your every action, every word, your daily life, will be watched, analyzed and criticized."
"Sort of like being under a microscope, huh?" I always felt a little sorry for those poor, unsuspecting specimens sandwiched between two slides, eyeballed to death. But then again, to be a part of Yugo's life, forever!
"Yes, Dusty, forever." He said it so quietly that I didn't fully catch the importance of 'forever'.
"Forever is a long time, Dusty."
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
The Effects of Online Shaming
Video: When Online Shaming Goes Too Far
"'Twitter gives a voice to the voiceless, a way to speak up and hit back at perceived injustice. But sometimes,' says Jon Ronson, 'things go too far.' In a jaw-dropping story of how one un-funny tweet ruined a woman's life and career, Ronson shows how online commenters can end up behaving like a baying mob — and says it's time to rethink how we interact online." - Ted.com
Watch the entire video on Ted.com>>
What You Should Know If You Laughed at This Viral Photo of Me
"You cannot see my disabilities but they are there and they are real. So next time you see photos making fun of people just remember you know nothing about these people or the struggles they face every day. It is never just harmless fun to laugh at someone." - Jennifer Wilkinson
Read the entire article>>
Understanding online shaming - a guide for parents
"There have been other cases of online shaming. Most of the time, the user who is publicly shamed on social media simply doesn’t deserve the magnitude of the attack they receive, and the consequences of it. It could be a comment that perhaps wasn’t fully thought through by the poster, a sarcastic message that was taken the wrong way or out of context. And if enough people see it, and it’s sufficiently spread around, it can result in a mob of people belittling and condemning the user."
Read the entire article>>
"'Twitter gives a voice to the voiceless, a way to speak up and hit back at perceived injustice. But sometimes,' says Jon Ronson, 'things go too far.' In a jaw-dropping story of how one un-funny tweet ruined a woman's life and career, Ronson shows how online commenters can end up behaving like a baying mob — and says it's time to rethink how we interact online." - Ted.com
Watch the entire video on Ted.com>>
What You Should Know If You Laughed at This Viral Photo of Me
"You cannot see my disabilities but they are there and they are real. So next time you see photos making fun of people just remember you know nothing about these people or the struggles they face every day. It is never just harmless fun to laugh at someone." - Jennifer Wilkinson
Read the entire article>>
Understanding online shaming - a guide for parents
"There have been other cases of online shaming. Most of the time, the user who is publicly shamed on social media simply doesn’t deserve the magnitude of the attack they receive, and the consequences of it. It could be a comment that perhaps wasn’t fully thought through by the poster, a sarcastic message that was taken the wrong way or out of context. And if enough people see it, and it’s sufficiently spread around, it can result in a mob of people belittling and condemning the user."
Read the entire article>>
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
New Film About Student Journalists Who Take on the Childhood Obesity Debate
THE STUDENT BODY is a true underdog story of two brave girls who take a stand against bullying, government intrusion and hypocrisy while exploring the complex and controversial truths behind the childhood obesity debate."
American Family Association Journal says it is “Extraordinary. The film is both inspiring and challenging.”
Common Sense Media calls it “enlightening” and a “tribute to student journalism and the power of investigative reporting.”
Official Selection at Traverse City Film Festival, Woodstock International Film Festival, Providence Children’s Film Festival, and Sedona Film Festival.
Available on demand and now on Blu-Ray and DVD.
Watch the trailer online>>
Visit the official website for more information>>
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Ways to Handle Adult Bullies
9 Ways to Deal with Adult Bullies and Mean Girls
by Dr. Ellen Hendriksen via ScientificAmerican.com
"While we want to believe that adulthood means the end of off-limits lunch tables, demeaning back talk, and snarky gossip, unfortunately, middle-school bullies and mean girls grow up and go to work. Bullies of the playground often grow up to become bullies of the workplace, which means too many of us find ourselves in eerily familiar scenarios to our dark days of junior high.
Unfortunately, grown-up queen bee and bullying behavior remains the same as back in the day: it systematically targets a colleague with the intention to intimidate, undermine, or degrade. The same tricks get recycled, too: gossip, sabotage, exclusion, public shaming, and many other deliberate behaviors." Read nore>>
8 Keys to Handling Adult Bullies
by Preston Ni, MSBA, PsychologyToday.com
"Most of us encounter adult bullies at certain points in our lives. An adult bully can be an intimidating boss or colleague, a controlling romantic partner, an unruly neighbor, a high pressure sales/business representative, a condescending family member, a shaming social acquaintance, or other types of abusive relationships.
On the surface, an adult bully may come across as aggressive, demanding, and domineering. However, with an astute approach and assertive communication, you can turn aggression into respect. Here are eight keys to successfully handle adult bullies, with excerpts from my book: “How to Successfully Handle Aggressive, Intimidating, and Controlling People.” Not all of the tips below may apply to your particular situation. Simply use what works, and leave the rest." Read more>>
by Dr. Ellen Hendriksen via ScientificAmerican.com
"While we want to believe that adulthood means the end of off-limits lunch tables, demeaning back talk, and snarky gossip, unfortunately, middle-school bullies and mean girls grow up and go to work. Bullies of the playground often grow up to become bullies of the workplace, which means too many of us find ourselves in eerily familiar scenarios to our dark days of junior high.
Unfortunately, grown-up queen bee and bullying behavior remains the same as back in the day: it systematically targets a colleague with the intention to intimidate, undermine, or degrade. The same tricks get recycled, too: gossip, sabotage, exclusion, public shaming, and many other deliberate behaviors." Read nore>>
8 Keys to Handling Adult Bullies
by Preston Ni, MSBA, PsychologyToday.com
"Most of us encounter adult bullies at certain points in our lives. An adult bully can be an intimidating boss or colleague, a controlling romantic partner, an unruly neighbor, a high pressure sales/business representative, a condescending family member, a shaming social acquaintance, or other types of abusive relationships.
On the surface, an adult bully may come across as aggressive, demanding, and domineering. However, with an astute approach and assertive communication, you can turn aggression into respect. Here are eight keys to successfully handle adult bullies, with excerpts from my book: “How to Successfully Handle Aggressive, Intimidating, and Controlling People.” Not all of the tips below may apply to your particular situation. Simply use what works, and leave the rest." Read more>>
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Adult Bullying: You're Not Alone
Being Ignored as a Bullying Tactic
by Valerie Cade, BullyFreeAtWork.com
"Think of a time when you were ignored. Think of how you felt. Hurt, sad, puzzled, stressed… Did you think, “What’s wrong with me?” or “How come I was left out?” Or how about when you were brave enough to reach out and ask ‘why is this happening?’, and were met with a polished answer from the person that left you with more self doubt and no answers?
Now think about being ignored, left out and pushed aside…day after day…after day…after day…This repeated ignoring is one of the worst types of bullying known." Read more>>
Adult Bullying: Harassment By People You Respect
by Sue Scheff, via TheHuffingtonPost.com
"Adult bullying is more prevalent than many want to admit. If you’re old enough to pay a mortgage or raise a family, shouldn’t you be able to handle anything that comes your way? But bullying doesn’t come to a standstill after graduating from the playground, and giving grown-ups a pass on aggressive behavior only sets a bad example for our children still on the playground.
A while back, I discussed the case of a parent who felt the need to air her laundry (dirty and clean) all over her Facebook timeline. Her thoughts were broadcasted publicly, even for her children to see. Additionally, a group of mothers recently took to Facebook to bash pictures of toddlers. These behaviors make kids think: if my own mother can bully, then why can’t I?" Read more>>
by Valerie Cade, BullyFreeAtWork.com
"Think of a time when you were ignored. Think of how you felt. Hurt, sad, puzzled, stressed… Did you think, “What’s wrong with me?” or “How come I was left out?” Or how about when you were brave enough to reach out and ask ‘why is this happening?’, and were met with a polished answer from the person that left you with more self doubt and no answers?
Now think about being ignored, left out and pushed aside…day after day…after day…after day…This repeated ignoring is one of the worst types of bullying known." Read more>>
Adult Bullying: Harassment By People You Respect
by Sue Scheff, via TheHuffingtonPost.com
"Adult bullying is more prevalent than many want to admit. If you’re old enough to pay a mortgage or raise a family, shouldn’t you be able to handle anything that comes your way? But bullying doesn’t come to a standstill after graduating from the playground, and giving grown-ups a pass on aggressive behavior only sets a bad example for our children still on the playground.
A while back, I discussed the case of a parent who felt the need to air her laundry (dirty and clean) all over her Facebook timeline. Her thoughts were broadcasted publicly, even for her children to see. Additionally, a group of mothers recently took to Facebook to bash pictures of toddlers. These behaviors make kids think: if my own mother can bully, then why can’t I?" Read more>>
Wednesday, December 14, 2016
A Penny in Time Chapter 7: Changin' Addi-Paddi (part 2)
I was going to tell him that no matter what was decided, I wanted him
to know that I liked him for being who he was. I snapped the scarf out
of the belt loops and stood before a mirror on the far wall adjusting it
so that it laid symmetrical, then yanked one end longer than the other.
Mr. D. waved the crisp piece of paper, as if to hurry me along.
"Elizabeth Conner, bring the misbegotten."
"Come on, Yugo," I cuddled him close as I walked out the front door Mr. D slammed shut and locked. There was movement in the bushes and I thought I saw a face, but it disappeared so suddenly I wasn't sure I had really seen anything at all. "Mr. D. there's someone..."
He cut me off abruptly with, "All are at the Perfect Chambers. And from now on, you must call me Mr. dIAmand. We mustn't tarry, the proceedings have already begun."
Mr. D didn't say another word as he strode toward the center of the city, me trailing behind, Yugo warm and heavy in my arms. It seemed I had just caught my second wind, when Mr. D trotted up a set of stairs leading to the largest building of the city and held open a massive, glass door etched with a figure eight, which I recognized as the symbol of infinity.
I thought Mr. D had gone back to his high and mighty manner, but he whispered as I entered, "I shall wish for us the best outcome, the best for us all."
He preceded me into the chamber, leaving me below as he ascended stairs to the first level, nodding to those in the aisle seats, then found a seat in the front row.
The room must have been the size of Atlantis, and as I scoped it out I could see it, too, was shaped in a huge figure eight, with twenty tiers of seats in each rounded end, narrowing into the middle open space where there was a stage. The place was jammed full of Monosapiens. The room buzzed with talk, until I walked up in front of a stage where a panel of five sat.
A million eyes had tracked my every footstep up here. Now I felt like Daniel in the lion's den before a bunch of ravenous creatures waiting to pounce on me. The silence was so silent that I heard my own breathing. Yugo was strangely quiet, too. My right hand lay over his chest and I felt the evenness of his breathing and soft thudding of his heart. How could he be so serene when I was a whirlwind of anxiety and doubts?
"You are Elizabeth Conner." The cream-colored, furry hand slapped a gavel down, echoing the sharpness of his voice. His nameplate read ‘Judge Ludwig’.
It was a statement, not a question. I nodded, clutching Yugo a little tighter. A female sat beside Judge Ludwig and tapped a pencil, eraser side down, on a file folder, a fat file folder. Until she spoke, Mrs. Furbal looked like a really nice grandmother, with heart-shaped pink lips and wearing granny glasses.
"We have compiled facts of this case presented before us regarding the misbegotten." Mrs. Furbal riffled through papers and handed a sheet to Judge Ludwig as he continued. "The misbegotten by the name of Yugo, brought into the Perpetual City by one Elizabeth Conner." He looked at me as if I should confirm what he said, so I nodded.
"First of all," the five Monosapiens on the panel peered at me, like they measured me for good sense, "this is not a judgment of you. We understand the dilemma you are in, one of emotional attachment to the misbegotten, without a clear comprehension of the larger issues, which we hope to clarify for you."
Mrs. Furbal spoke next, avoiding me, focusing on the paper in front of her. "The larger issues are: if acknowledged, the misbegotten must be claimed by his parents; there is the question of what is to be done about the coupling/uncoupling; and what deleterious effect will this have on the progeny of the couple, the economical repercussions, and ultimately, what effect will this have on our society?"
"Well said, Mrs. Furbal," remarked the man sitting on her right, Mr. Reader. In agreement, the others, Mr. Stix and Mr. Light, nodded and smiled like puppets.
The judge met my gaze. I would not let them override the 'larger issue' of murder. "You can't justify murder, can you?" I challenged. I heard a low rippling of voices around me, but I couldn't actually make out anything said.
That didn't seem to faze Judge Ludwig. He explained, in a deliberate and precise tone, once more, the 'larger issues'. "It is unfortunate that there must be such a drastic and undesirable recourse to correct an individual's mistake, but it is preferable to rectify the mistake rather than rend the fabric of society. Those who go outside the legal union to find personal love hurt not only a mate, but the offspring, therefore all of society. If couples were allowed to divorce, it would bring pain, as well as changes, to all. This must, and will be, the prime consideration of the Perfect Council."
I was sweating and cold, for suddenly I found myself in a quandary. I didn't want to say divorce was a good thing, because I didn't believe it was. Hadn't I been hurt because of my parents' divorce? I liked the idea that families stayed together. I liked the idea of a perfect society. Would Yugo die if I agreed with the Perfect Council? I couldn't let that happen, no matter what. But I certainly didn't know what I was going to do about it, either.
I glanced around me. Only one in the crowd of clones looked directly at me, a woman with slightly different eyes and mouth, who clasped a blanket in her hands, and she appeared desperate, on the brink of standing up. She wet her lips several times, wringing the blanket tighter and tighter. Yugo chirped, as if he recognized her, wanting her attention, just as I hoped she would speak up. For I, too, recognized her as the anxious face I had seen hiding in the bushes at Mr. D's house.
"Elizabeth Conner!"
I jerked back to attention before Judge Ludwig. Yugo yelped, wiggling and straining to look behind me, making it nearly impossible to hold onto him. I was ready to duck out of here and let these guys settle future issues for themselves. I wasn't sure if I wanted to change things for the better, but I did know that I wanted to go home and that my mother would understand about Yugo.
Five faces loomed before me, without an ounce of sympathy for either Yugo or me, in spite of what they might say.
"By what defense do you wish to redeem the misbegotten?"
The room full of Monosapiens waited for my answer. My brains were scrambled and my voice had dried up; I thought any minute my heart would hammer a hole in my chest. "I'll take Yugo home with me!" I exclaimed.
"No!" thundered Judge Ludwig. "You will have the duration of the recess to prepare your defense. Dismissed!"
The gavel cracked. I sank down on a nearby bench and tried to unravel my disordered thoughts. Yugo's very life depended on me, and all I could think of was how much I wanted out of this mess. I rocked Yugo, wanting a response from him, but he struggled to free himself from my arms. He was looking for that woman. But if she cared at all about him, why didn't she claim him? And there may as well have been an ocean between me and Mr. D, for it seemed pretty certain he wasn't going to help us, either.
There wasn't any way out of this building, and besides, where could we go? Back out there in the wastelands with those horrible creatures that wanted a free meal? Right now, though, it seemed like inside or out, we were facing some pretty terrible odds trapped here with the Perfect Council sitting in judgment. If I ever had to save my life, it was now. Strange, I thought suddenly, it's Yugo's life that's at stake, not mine. But sometimes, it felt we were one and the same.
Yugo plopped into my lap, radiating trust that rankled me, for I was full of despair. I cupped his face with my hands, and stared at him, trying to fathom his confidence.
Then it clicked! Mr. D had said something was wrong with this society, and that must be the key to this whole thing! If only I could unlock the secret before it was too late. If only. And time was running out.
"Elizabeth Conner, bring the misbegotten."
"Come on, Yugo," I cuddled him close as I walked out the front door Mr. D slammed shut and locked. There was movement in the bushes and I thought I saw a face, but it disappeared so suddenly I wasn't sure I had really seen anything at all. "Mr. D. there's someone..."
He cut me off abruptly with, "All are at the Perfect Chambers. And from now on, you must call me Mr. dIAmand. We mustn't tarry, the proceedings have already begun."
Mr. D didn't say another word as he strode toward the center of the city, me trailing behind, Yugo warm and heavy in my arms. It seemed I had just caught my second wind, when Mr. D trotted up a set of stairs leading to the largest building of the city and held open a massive, glass door etched with a figure eight, which I recognized as the symbol of infinity.
I thought Mr. D had gone back to his high and mighty manner, but he whispered as I entered, "I shall wish for us the best outcome, the best for us all."
He preceded me into the chamber, leaving me below as he ascended stairs to the first level, nodding to those in the aisle seats, then found a seat in the front row.
The room must have been the size of Atlantis, and as I scoped it out I could see it, too, was shaped in a huge figure eight, with twenty tiers of seats in each rounded end, narrowing into the middle open space where there was a stage. The place was jammed full of Monosapiens. The room buzzed with talk, until I walked up in front of a stage where a panel of five sat.
A million eyes had tracked my every footstep up here. Now I felt like Daniel in the lion's den before a bunch of ravenous creatures waiting to pounce on me. The silence was so silent that I heard my own breathing. Yugo was strangely quiet, too. My right hand lay over his chest and I felt the evenness of his breathing and soft thudding of his heart. How could he be so serene when I was a whirlwind of anxiety and doubts?
"You are Elizabeth Conner." The cream-colored, furry hand slapped a gavel down, echoing the sharpness of his voice. His nameplate read ‘Judge Ludwig’.
It was a statement, not a question. I nodded, clutching Yugo a little tighter. A female sat beside Judge Ludwig and tapped a pencil, eraser side down, on a file folder, a fat file folder. Until she spoke, Mrs. Furbal looked like a really nice grandmother, with heart-shaped pink lips and wearing granny glasses.
"We have compiled facts of this case presented before us regarding the misbegotten." Mrs. Furbal riffled through papers and handed a sheet to Judge Ludwig as he continued. "The misbegotten by the name of Yugo, brought into the Perpetual City by one Elizabeth Conner." He looked at me as if I should confirm what he said, so I nodded.
"First of all," the five Monosapiens on the panel peered at me, like they measured me for good sense, "this is not a judgment of you. We understand the dilemma you are in, one of emotional attachment to the misbegotten, without a clear comprehension of the larger issues, which we hope to clarify for you."
Mrs. Furbal spoke next, avoiding me, focusing on the paper in front of her. "The larger issues are: if acknowledged, the misbegotten must be claimed by his parents; there is the question of what is to be done about the coupling/uncoupling; and what deleterious effect will this have on the progeny of the couple, the economical repercussions, and ultimately, what effect will this have on our society?"
"Well said, Mrs. Furbal," remarked the man sitting on her right, Mr. Reader. In agreement, the others, Mr. Stix and Mr. Light, nodded and smiled like puppets.
The judge met my gaze. I would not let them override the 'larger issue' of murder. "You can't justify murder, can you?" I challenged. I heard a low rippling of voices around me, but I couldn't actually make out anything said.
That didn't seem to faze Judge Ludwig. He explained, in a deliberate and precise tone, once more, the 'larger issues'. "It is unfortunate that there must be such a drastic and undesirable recourse to correct an individual's mistake, but it is preferable to rectify the mistake rather than rend the fabric of society. Those who go outside the legal union to find personal love hurt not only a mate, but the offspring, therefore all of society. If couples were allowed to divorce, it would bring pain, as well as changes, to all. This must, and will be, the prime consideration of the Perfect Council."
I was sweating and cold, for suddenly I found myself in a quandary. I didn't want to say divorce was a good thing, because I didn't believe it was. Hadn't I been hurt because of my parents' divorce? I liked the idea that families stayed together. I liked the idea of a perfect society. Would Yugo die if I agreed with the Perfect Council? I couldn't let that happen, no matter what. But I certainly didn't know what I was going to do about it, either.
I glanced around me. Only one in the crowd of clones looked directly at me, a woman with slightly different eyes and mouth, who clasped a blanket in her hands, and she appeared desperate, on the brink of standing up. She wet her lips several times, wringing the blanket tighter and tighter. Yugo chirped, as if he recognized her, wanting her attention, just as I hoped she would speak up. For I, too, recognized her as the anxious face I had seen hiding in the bushes at Mr. D's house.
"Elizabeth Conner!"
I jerked back to attention before Judge Ludwig. Yugo yelped, wiggling and straining to look behind me, making it nearly impossible to hold onto him. I was ready to duck out of here and let these guys settle future issues for themselves. I wasn't sure if I wanted to change things for the better, but I did know that I wanted to go home and that my mother would understand about Yugo.
Five faces loomed before me, without an ounce of sympathy for either Yugo or me, in spite of what they might say.
"By what defense do you wish to redeem the misbegotten?"
The room full of Monosapiens waited for my answer. My brains were scrambled and my voice had dried up; I thought any minute my heart would hammer a hole in my chest. "I'll take Yugo home with me!" I exclaimed.
"No!" thundered Judge Ludwig. "You will have the duration of the recess to prepare your defense. Dismissed!"
The gavel cracked. I sank down on a nearby bench and tried to unravel my disordered thoughts. Yugo's very life depended on me, and all I could think of was how much I wanted out of this mess. I rocked Yugo, wanting a response from him, but he struggled to free himself from my arms. He was looking for that woman. But if she cared at all about him, why didn't she claim him? And there may as well have been an ocean between me and Mr. D, for it seemed pretty certain he wasn't going to help us, either.
There wasn't any way out of this building, and besides, where could we go? Back out there in the wastelands with those horrible creatures that wanted a free meal? Right now, though, it seemed like inside or out, we were facing some pretty terrible odds trapped here with the Perfect Council sitting in judgment. If I ever had to save my life, it was now. Strange, I thought suddenly, it's Yugo's life that's at stake, not mine. But sometimes, it felt we were one and the same.
Yugo plopped into my lap, radiating trust that rankled me, for I was full of despair. I cupped his face with my hands, and stared at him, trying to fathom his confidence.
Then it clicked! Mr. D had said something was wrong with this society, and that must be the key to this whole thing! If only I could unlock the secret before it was too late. If only. And time was running out.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Running the Gauntlet
There’s the bell for first class. Walk slowly. Time it just right and maybe you ‘ll be the last one to sit down at your desk. Pretend you don’t hear them.
“Faggot.”
“Dyke.”
“That’s so gay.”
“No homo.”
“Tranny.”
“She-male.”
At least once during the day, LGBTQIA+ students, a reported estimated 1.3 million high school students identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, will hear an epithet casually and purposefully thrown at them, intending to hurt, belittle, ridicule. An excellent article in The Seattle Times, Aug 12, 2016,”Heartbreaking” is a survey on abuse of gay students” by Jan Hoffman with additional Federal data, reports:
These adolescents were three times more likely than straight students to have been raped. They skipped school far more often because they did not feel safe; at least a third had been bullied on school property. And they were twice as likely as heterosexual students to have been threatened or injured with a weapon on school property.
More than 40 percent of these students reported that they had seriously considered suicide, and 29 percent had made attempts to do so in the year before they took the survey. A conservative estimate is 1,500 LGBTQIA+ commit suicide every year. The percentage of those who used illegal drugs was many times greater than their heterosexual peers. While 1.3 percent of straight students said they had used heroin, for example, 6 percent of the gay, lesbian and bisexual students reported having done so.
Look at these statistics! They are heartbreaking and horrifying. Understand that 1.3 million people who report to be LGBTQIA+ is roughly the population of Los Angles, California. Our children are daily engaged in warfare at school without any armor or protection—and for many who come “out” to parents, are kicked out of their home to fend on the street for themselves. Dr. Mermin, director of the National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention at the C.D.C., said it better than I: “Nations are judged by the health and well-being of their children. Many would find these levels of physical and sexual violence unacceptable and something we should act on quickly.”
What we can do as peers, parents, teacher, mentors, and our community is give support through educating our youth in the home and classrooms about basic issues of how to respect one another as human beings and not as ‘others’. With the ubiquitous internet and social media, it is imperative to teach our youth hard core values; to be very clear what is bullying and not acceptable behavior towards anyone for any reason. If not in the home, then at school. There are excellent programs, like Green Dot etc., used by the Air Force, that effectively teach strategy for violence prevention, and what to do as a bystander in bullying and violent situations.
As Dr. Mermin stated emphatically “connectedness -- or social bonds -- to peers, teachers, schools, or community organizations is key to protecting the health of these adolescents. Students will succeed if they know they matter, and feel safe and supported socially, emotionally and physically. Solutions may not be simple, but we can take action to build support for lesbian, gay and bisexual youth at multiple levels.”
I have written several articles emphasizing the need, and the rights of our children to be safe from bullies—-and I especially feel we have an imperative to protect the most vulnerable of our children—-those who are harassed for being different, either racially or because of one’s sexual orientation. We need to have a continuous dialogue with our children, our family members and community, to talk honestly about bully issues.
To gain insight into the reality of a child being LGBTQIA+ in their daily arena, please take some time to explore websites like:
Ask yourself what would this world be like without the diversity, talents and skills that the LGBTQIA+ have given us since the beginning of mankind? The list I could make of the contributions in arts, sciences, politics and humanity of the LGBTQIA+ would be awesome in its breadth and sheer numbers of people who have influenced and enriched our lives in spite of the obstacles, the prejudices and hostility they have endured.
It is imperative that we, every one of us, ensure that our children, all our children, thrive in a environment that is safe and respectful, especially for the most vulnerable of children, the ‘others’, who are targeted for being different, for being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intersexual or questioning. Too many of these children are at risk everyday of their lives. Tomorrow will be too late for many of them. Today, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today, is the time to stop the cycle of abuse.
L - Lesbian. Lesbian is a term used to refer to homosexual females.
G - Gay. Gay is a term used to refer to homosexuality, a homosexual person, or a homosexual male.
B - Bisexual. Bisexual is when a person is attracted to two sexes/genders.
T - Trans. Trans is an umbrella term for transgender and transsexual people.
Q - Queer/Questioning. Queer is an umbrella term for all of those who are not heterosexual and/or cisgender. Questioning is when a person isn't 100% sure of their sexual orientation and/or gender, and are trying to find their true identity.
I - Intersex. Intersex is when a person has an indeterminate mix of primary and secondary sex characteristics.
A - Asexuality. Asexuality is when a person experiences no (or little, if referring to demisexuality or grey-asexuality) sexual attraction to people.
+ - The "+" symbol simply stands for all of the other sexualities, sexes, and genders that aren't included in these few letters.
website: lgbtqiainfo.weebly.com
“Faggot.”
“Dyke.”
“That’s so gay.”
“No homo.”
“Tranny.”
“She-male.”
At least once during the day, LGBTQIA+ students, a reported estimated 1.3 million high school students identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, will hear an epithet casually and purposefully thrown at them, intending to hurt, belittle, ridicule. An excellent article in The Seattle Times, Aug 12, 2016,”Heartbreaking” is a survey on abuse of gay students” by Jan Hoffman with additional Federal data, reports:
The first nationwide study to ask high school students about their sexuality found that gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers were at far greater risk for depression, bullying and many types of violence than their straight peers.“I found the numbers heartbreaking,” said Dr. Jonathan Mermin, a senior official at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which includes a division that administered the survey.
These adolescents were three times more likely than straight students to have been raped. They skipped school far more often because they did not feel safe; at least a third had been bullied on school property. And they were twice as likely as heterosexual students to have been threatened or injured with a weapon on school property.
More than 40 percent of these students reported that they had seriously considered suicide, and 29 percent had made attempts to do so in the year before they took the survey. A conservative estimate is 1,500 LGBTQIA+ commit suicide every year. The percentage of those who used illegal drugs was many times greater than their heterosexual peers. While 1.3 percent of straight students said they had used heroin, for example, 6 percent of the gay, lesbian and bisexual students reported having done so.
Look at these statistics! They are heartbreaking and horrifying. Understand that 1.3 million people who report to be LGBTQIA+ is roughly the population of Los Angles, California. Our children are daily engaged in warfare at school without any armor or protection—and for many who come “out” to parents, are kicked out of their home to fend on the street for themselves. Dr. Mermin, director of the National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention at the C.D.C., said it better than I: “Nations are judged by the health and well-being of their children. Many would find these levels of physical and sexual violence unacceptable and something we should act on quickly.”
What we can do as peers, parents, teacher, mentors, and our community is give support through educating our youth in the home and classrooms about basic issues of how to respect one another as human beings and not as ‘others’. With the ubiquitous internet and social media, it is imperative to teach our youth hard core values; to be very clear what is bullying and not acceptable behavior towards anyone for any reason. If not in the home, then at school. There are excellent programs, like Green Dot etc., used by the Air Force, that effectively teach strategy for violence prevention, and what to do as a bystander in bullying and violent situations.
As Dr. Mermin stated emphatically “connectedness -- or social bonds -- to peers, teachers, schools, or community organizations is key to protecting the health of these adolescents. Students will succeed if they know they matter, and feel safe and supported socially, emotionally and physically. Solutions may not be simple, but we can take action to build support for lesbian, gay and bisexual youth at multiple levels.”
I have written several articles emphasizing the need, and the rights of our children to be safe from bullies—-and I especially feel we have an imperative to protect the most vulnerable of our children—-those who are harassed for being different, either racially or because of one’s sexual orientation. We need to have a continuous dialogue with our children, our family members and community, to talk honestly about bully issues.
To gain insight into the reality of a child being LGBTQIA+ in their daily arena, please take some time to explore websites like:
- Human Rights Campaign: Advocating for LGBTQ Equality
- US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- MedlinePlus
- Live the Green Dot
- speakforthem.org
Ask yourself what would this world be like without the diversity, talents and skills that the LGBTQIA+ have given us since the beginning of mankind? The list I could make of the contributions in arts, sciences, politics and humanity of the LGBTQIA+ would be awesome in its breadth and sheer numbers of people who have influenced and enriched our lives in spite of the obstacles, the prejudices and hostility they have endured.
It is imperative that we, every one of us, ensure that our children, all our children, thrive in a environment that is safe and respectful, especially for the most vulnerable of children, the ‘others’, who are targeted for being different, for being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intersexual or questioning. Too many of these children are at risk everyday of their lives. Tomorrow will be too late for many of them. Today, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today, is the time to stop the cycle of abuse.
L - Lesbian. Lesbian is a term used to refer to homosexual females.
G - Gay. Gay is a term used to refer to homosexuality, a homosexual person, or a homosexual male.
B - Bisexual. Bisexual is when a person is attracted to two sexes/genders.
T - Trans. Trans is an umbrella term for transgender and transsexual people.
Q - Queer/Questioning. Queer is an umbrella term for all of those who are not heterosexual and/or cisgender. Questioning is when a person isn't 100% sure of their sexual orientation and/or gender, and are trying to find their true identity.
I - Intersex. Intersex is when a person has an indeterminate mix of primary and secondary sex characteristics.
A - Asexuality. Asexuality is when a person experiences no (or little, if referring to demisexuality or grey-asexuality) sexual attraction to people.
+ - The "+" symbol simply stands for all of the other sexualities, sexes, and genders that aren't included in these few letters.
website: lgbtqiainfo.weebly.com
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
What makes a child become a bully?
How A Child Becomes A Bully
by Dr. Gail Gross, HuffingtonPost.com
“While there is no one single profile of a child bully, in my years as a researcher and educator, I have witnessed a few different situations that describe the majority of child bullies.
Like Parent, Like Child. Children model what they see. If a child is bullied by his/her parent, or is being abused or treated in a disrespectful way at home, that child is likely to imitate this behavior at school. They are learning from their parent that this type of behavior is acceptable.
The Powerless Child. Sometimes, the child that bullies is the child who feels completely powerless at home. Perhaps this child is abused, or watches one of his parents abuse another parent, and he/she is left feeling scared and powerless at home. This child may attempt to gain back power by bullying others at school.”
Read the entire article>>
Your child might be a bully. Here are 7 ways to stop that behavior.
by Lev Novak, The Washington Post
"As a former after-school teacher, I’ve spent three years working with kids in a more relaxed environment than the classroom. And, in those hours with kids as their less-guarded selves, I’ve seen the bullying, teasing, whispers and shoves that scarcely get reported home to parents.
There are no one-size-fits-all approaches to preventing or stopping bullying, and zero-tolerance policies are often a blur of good intentions poorly applied. But below are some strategies I’ve found effective for various children.
Avoid cliches. Generalizations sound like static to kids, who don’t apply morals and have heard the “don’t bully” screed delivered in the same monotones by the same authority figures all their lives. But specifics help, and authenticity matters. Names, events and situations anchor vague morality tales in practical terms. Sincerity can bring real empathy to a subject that all too often is artificial."
Read the entire article>>
by Dr. Gail Gross, HuffingtonPost.com
“While there is no one single profile of a child bully, in my years as a researcher and educator, I have witnessed a few different situations that describe the majority of child bullies.
Like Parent, Like Child. Children model what they see. If a child is bullied by his/her parent, or is being abused or treated in a disrespectful way at home, that child is likely to imitate this behavior at school. They are learning from their parent that this type of behavior is acceptable.
The Powerless Child. Sometimes, the child that bullies is the child who feels completely powerless at home. Perhaps this child is abused, or watches one of his parents abuse another parent, and he/she is left feeling scared and powerless at home. This child may attempt to gain back power by bullying others at school.”
Read the entire article>>
Your child might be a bully. Here are 7 ways to stop that behavior.
by Lev Novak, The Washington Post
"As a former after-school teacher, I’ve spent three years working with kids in a more relaxed environment than the classroom. And, in those hours with kids as their less-guarded selves, I’ve seen the bullying, teasing, whispers and shoves that scarcely get reported home to parents.
There are no one-size-fits-all approaches to preventing or stopping bullying, and zero-tolerance policies are often a blur of good intentions poorly applied. But below are some strategies I’ve found effective for various children.
Avoid cliches. Generalizations sound like static to kids, who don’t apply morals and have heard the “don’t bully” screed delivered in the same monotones by the same authority figures all their lives. But specifics help, and authenticity matters. Names, events and situations anchor vague morality tales in practical terms. Sincerity can bring real empathy to a subject that all too often is artificial."
Read the entire article>>
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
A Penny in Time Chapter 6: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Part 2)
"Well," he sighed, "perhaps we may have to come to a compromise. Let
me propose this: I shall call you Dusty, and you may call me," he
paused and squinted, but I think beneath the pained expression might
have been a glint of humor, "Mr. D only," and he emphasized it again,
"only when we are by ourselves. It is especially important for you to
remember this when we come before the Perfect Council. Do we have an
agreement?"
"Sure," I stuck my hand out and we shook on it. "Now, we'd better get some food for Yugo. He's awfully hungry."
Mr. D bristled. "I cannot. We must wait for the Perfect Decision."
"Mr. D," I felt an upsurge of anger that swept away all the cobwebs from my head, "Yugo's fate will be decided whether or not he has a full stomach. I wouldn't let you go hungry. You talk about 'the way things are, the way things must be', but have you no sense of what is right or wrong?"
Yugo really perked up while I made my speech and punctuated my sentences with sharp squeals. Mr. D appeared rather stunned, like he had been frozen for a couple of centuries in the same spot. He must have considered what I said, because his face thawed into a smile.
"I believe there might be something that the misbegotten could ingest. Come with me to my house."
I didn't see that we had much choice, whether or not to go to Mr. D's house or back to the desert. This is the sort of situation you never want to try to explain to your parents, how sometimes you know you're not supposed to do something, but you don't have much of a choice, or if you have, you don't know it.
I think Yugo must have been telling me that it was all right, because I got a sense of being in the right place at the right time. Although I thought it pretty strange that I was here, thinking about right time and place. Some of our immediate problems were taken care of, like we were inside the city, not out, so we were some place, not lost, and we at least had the promise of being fed and sheltered. I would really rather be at home, where I know it would be no problem taking care of Yugo or myself, for that matter. If I want unreasonable, I have my Dad.
We were the only ones walking along the quiet, empty streets. Rows of houses bordered the sidewalks, spaced like a perfectly planted garden of lettuce heads all in a row. "Where are all the others, Mr. D?"
"Oh, childling," he chuckled, "everyone has a place to be and is there. There is no reason for anyone to be about at this time."
"Is it day or night, Mr. D?" Yugo was asleep again and I could swear he had grown in just the short time we had been here.
"It is," he answered, then added, probably because I looked like I felt, annoyed, "one and the same, here. There is no change of season, either."
"I see." Inside, I recoiled at the thought of sameness, the color of gray. Yugo stirred but did not awaken.
We walked on, up one, then down another sidewalk, like we were in a brightly lit maze winding through the city, until we stopped in front of one drab, medium-sized house that looked exactly like the other beside it, with one tree per patch of brownish front lawn.
"How do you know which house is yours, Mr. D?" I asked, not even trying to disguise my disgust.
"Why, I've always lived here! Third house from the last, the right side of the street. Simple." He motioned me to enter, and before the door shut behind us, I got a quick look at the etched nameplate on the door, "Mr. dIAmand" in small, block letters.
"Oh, boy," I looked around, not the least surprised that the living room had an easy chair, one couch, a coffee table, with no magazines or clutter anywhere, and each visible room had the same off-white walls with light green fabric curtains pulled neatly in two halves from the windows. "Nice place you've got here, Mr. D." I plopped down on the couch and let Yugo burrow beside me.
"Yes, well, thank you. I shall be back momentarily with food for Yugo. If you'll excuse me."
"Sure, and thanks!" I called after him as he hurried to the kitchen. Mr. D didn't seem all that stuffy now that we were here at his house, almost like he was happy to have us staying with him. Maybe he had really wanted to do the right thing and take care of Yugo, but didn't want, or couldn't, put himself in the position to be responsible for that kind of decision. I had no idea what it was going to be like before the Perfect Council, but I made up my mind I wasn't going to let it scare me, or make me do what I knew wasn't right. Of course, I didn't like to think too much about what 'they' could make me do; I had some ugly images of blood, gore and torture. But surely, this space and place was civilized, or so I hoped. Then I looked down at Yugo, softly sleeping against my leg, and questioned how these beings could throw away their own babies and not care for them. Maybe 'they' wouldn't care if I was a kid or not, no rules need apply here about what's fair or decent or right. I only prayed that I knew what I was doing when it came time to stand up and face the Perfect Council. I was sure that Mr. D wouldn't or couldn't offer much more assistance, and since Yugo was the problem, he sure couldn't do much in the way of helping.
Mr. D came back into the living room with a huge glass of thick, chalky stuff that smelled a lot like my old tennis shoes. "I'm sorry to say that's all I have for him."
Maybe to change the subject quickly, he blurted, "I have been informed that soon we will go before the Perfect Council, Eliz...Dusty." He sat down in the easy chair, clasping his hands together and shaking his fur to lay smooth. "They have agreed to meet in six hours."
"Why so long, why can't we get it over with sooner?" I had difficulty getting the milkshake fast enough into Yugo's demanding mouth. He slurped and gurgled while I tried not to slop any of it onto the couch, let alone worry about what was getting on me. I was going to look real nice after this feeding, just perfect enough to go before the Council.
"Oh, no sooner! Everyone will want to attend and hear the outcome. It has become a major issue, and we will be very anxious to know the decision concerning the misbegottens. It will affect us all, one way or the other." For a moment, Mr. D lost his smile and I had a flash of misgiving. "This has created a great deal of talk amongst us, you bringing the misbe...Yugo, here inside the city. I don't think it will be an easy decision for the Council. No," he stood and paced between the dining room and living room, "I don't think this is going to be easy for any of us. Your being here has disrupted us already; we cannot be the same as we were before you came. But I don't know," he stopped in front of me, clearly distressed, "if this is for the better or not!"
"Changes are always hard, even if they're good for you," I replied, wiping the last glob of liquid from Yugo's chin. "But isn't that life? Don't we grow and change all the time?" I peered up at Mr. D. "Or do you like living the life of a robot?"
"Oh, childling," he huffed, straightening to his full impressive height, "there's nothing wrong with life being predictable."
I looked pointedly from Yugo to Mr. D. "Something's wrong with this society, something's really wrong. And I bet there are some of you that aren't real happy with the way things are."
"Well," he stammered, "I suppose you always have malcontents, in any society. But not enough to influence the whole network."
"If you're so happy with the way things are, then why did you take us in?" I felt I was ice skating across the Atlantic, but if I couldn't make Mr. D see my point of view, I knew I was in for some real trouble up ahead.
He drummed his fingers on the fireplace mantel, answering in a low voice, "Because, Dusty, you're right. Something is wrong, terribly wrong with our society. And I hope," his head turned ever so slowly, his eyes seeking mine in a hard stare, "you can effect changes. You're the only one that can."
There seemed nothing more to say and Mr. D sat down again. I wondered just how I was going to convince 'them'. I held onto the thin thread of hope that if I could change Mr. D's mind, I could change the Perfect Council. I had to: it was so obviously the right thing to do that I knew I had no choice. I hoped that if I never got back home, my Mom would somehow know what I had done and be proud of me.
Yugo stretched and purred, flopping into my hands like a cat does, totally relaxed and contented. Without a worry. Mr. D reclined in his chair, with his head thrown back and eyes shut, probably asleep, too. I was wide awake, along with all my concerns. I felt like we had used up some brownie points, and I sure hoped we hadn't emptied the cookie jar just yet. Because, I thought as I tucked Yugo close against my leg while he slept easy, what we needed was another minor miracle.
"Sure," I stuck my hand out and we shook on it. "Now, we'd better get some food for Yugo. He's awfully hungry."
Mr. D bristled. "I cannot. We must wait for the Perfect Decision."
"Mr. D," I felt an upsurge of anger that swept away all the cobwebs from my head, "Yugo's fate will be decided whether or not he has a full stomach. I wouldn't let you go hungry. You talk about 'the way things are, the way things must be', but have you no sense of what is right or wrong?"
Yugo really perked up while I made my speech and punctuated my sentences with sharp squeals. Mr. D appeared rather stunned, like he had been frozen for a couple of centuries in the same spot. He must have considered what I said, because his face thawed into a smile.
"I believe there might be something that the misbegotten could ingest. Come with me to my house."
I didn't see that we had much choice, whether or not to go to Mr. D's house or back to the desert. This is the sort of situation you never want to try to explain to your parents, how sometimes you know you're not supposed to do something, but you don't have much of a choice, or if you have, you don't know it.
I think Yugo must have been telling me that it was all right, because I got a sense of being in the right place at the right time. Although I thought it pretty strange that I was here, thinking about right time and place. Some of our immediate problems were taken care of, like we were inside the city, not out, so we were some place, not lost, and we at least had the promise of being fed and sheltered. I would really rather be at home, where I know it would be no problem taking care of Yugo or myself, for that matter. If I want unreasonable, I have my Dad.
We were the only ones walking along the quiet, empty streets. Rows of houses bordered the sidewalks, spaced like a perfectly planted garden of lettuce heads all in a row. "Where are all the others, Mr. D?"
"Oh, childling," he chuckled, "everyone has a place to be and is there. There is no reason for anyone to be about at this time."
"Is it day or night, Mr. D?" Yugo was asleep again and I could swear he had grown in just the short time we had been here.
"It is," he answered, then added, probably because I looked like I felt, annoyed, "one and the same, here. There is no change of season, either."
"I see." Inside, I recoiled at the thought of sameness, the color of gray. Yugo stirred but did not awaken.
We walked on, up one, then down another sidewalk, like we were in a brightly lit maze winding through the city, until we stopped in front of one drab, medium-sized house that looked exactly like the other beside it, with one tree per patch of brownish front lawn.
"How do you know which house is yours, Mr. D?" I asked, not even trying to disguise my disgust.
"Why, I've always lived here! Third house from the last, the right side of the street. Simple." He motioned me to enter, and before the door shut behind us, I got a quick look at the etched nameplate on the door, "Mr. dIAmand" in small, block letters.
"Oh, boy," I looked around, not the least surprised that the living room had an easy chair, one couch, a coffee table, with no magazines or clutter anywhere, and each visible room had the same off-white walls with light green fabric curtains pulled neatly in two halves from the windows. "Nice place you've got here, Mr. D." I plopped down on the couch and let Yugo burrow beside me.
"Yes, well, thank you. I shall be back momentarily with food for Yugo. If you'll excuse me."
"Sure, and thanks!" I called after him as he hurried to the kitchen. Mr. D didn't seem all that stuffy now that we were here at his house, almost like he was happy to have us staying with him. Maybe he had really wanted to do the right thing and take care of Yugo, but didn't want, or couldn't, put himself in the position to be responsible for that kind of decision. I had no idea what it was going to be like before the Perfect Council, but I made up my mind I wasn't going to let it scare me, or make me do what I knew wasn't right. Of course, I didn't like to think too much about what 'they' could make me do; I had some ugly images of blood, gore and torture. But surely, this space and place was civilized, or so I hoped. Then I looked down at Yugo, softly sleeping against my leg, and questioned how these beings could throw away their own babies and not care for them. Maybe 'they' wouldn't care if I was a kid or not, no rules need apply here about what's fair or decent or right. I only prayed that I knew what I was doing when it came time to stand up and face the Perfect Council. I was sure that Mr. D wouldn't or couldn't offer much more assistance, and since Yugo was the problem, he sure couldn't do much in the way of helping.
Mr. D came back into the living room with a huge glass of thick, chalky stuff that smelled a lot like my old tennis shoes. "I'm sorry to say that's all I have for him."
Maybe to change the subject quickly, he blurted, "I have been informed that soon we will go before the Perfect Council, Eliz...Dusty." He sat down in the easy chair, clasping his hands together and shaking his fur to lay smooth. "They have agreed to meet in six hours."
"Why so long, why can't we get it over with sooner?" I had difficulty getting the milkshake fast enough into Yugo's demanding mouth. He slurped and gurgled while I tried not to slop any of it onto the couch, let alone worry about what was getting on me. I was going to look real nice after this feeding, just perfect enough to go before the Council.
"Oh, no sooner! Everyone will want to attend and hear the outcome. It has become a major issue, and we will be very anxious to know the decision concerning the misbegottens. It will affect us all, one way or the other." For a moment, Mr. D lost his smile and I had a flash of misgiving. "This has created a great deal of talk amongst us, you bringing the misbe...Yugo, here inside the city. I don't think it will be an easy decision for the Council. No," he stood and paced between the dining room and living room, "I don't think this is going to be easy for any of us. Your being here has disrupted us already; we cannot be the same as we were before you came. But I don't know," he stopped in front of me, clearly distressed, "if this is for the better or not!"
"Changes are always hard, even if they're good for you," I replied, wiping the last glob of liquid from Yugo's chin. "But isn't that life? Don't we grow and change all the time?" I peered up at Mr. D. "Or do you like living the life of a robot?"
"Oh, childling," he huffed, straightening to his full impressive height, "there's nothing wrong with life being predictable."
I looked pointedly from Yugo to Mr. D. "Something's wrong with this society, something's really wrong. And I bet there are some of you that aren't real happy with the way things are."
"Well," he stammered, "I suppose you always have malcontents, in any society. But not enough to influence the whole network."
"If you're so happy with the way things are, then why did you take us in?" I felt I was ice skating across the Atlantic, but if I couldn't make Mr. D see my point of view, I knew I was in for some real trouble up ahead.
He drummed his fingers on the fireplace mantel, answering in a low voice, "Because, Dusty, you're right. Something is wrong, terribly wrong with our society. And I hope," his head turned ever so slowly, his eyes seeking mine in a hard stare, "you can effect changes. You're the only one that can."
There seemed nothing more to say and Mr. D sat down again. I wondered just how I was going to convince 'them'. I held onto the thin thread of hope that if I could change Mr. D's mind, I could change the Perfect Council. I had to: it was so obviously the right thing to do that I knew I had no choice. I hoped that if I never got back home, my Mom would somehow know what I had done and be proud of me.
Yugo stretched and purred, flopping into my hands like a cat does, totally relaxed and contented. Without a worry. Mr. D reclined in his chair, with his head thrown back and eyes shut, probably asleep, too. I was wide awake, along with all my concerns. I felt like we had used up some brownie points, and I sure hoped we hadn't emptied the cookie jar just yet. Because, I thought as I tucked Yugo close against my leg while he slept easy, what we needed was another minor miracle.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Peer Mediation Can Help
"If you can avoid the physical violence and bring people together, you have accomplished what, from the beginning of time, mankind has considered a noble end.” - Richard Blumenthal
“Right in front of my eyes, those 20 students transformed into leaders and into activists.”
by Danielle Ross, MyCorneroftheWorld
“I’ll never forget that Thursday morning last year when my students and I sat together in class and cried.
What could possibly bring a class full of high school students and their teacher to tears? Bullying. We were sharing our personal experiences of being bullied and reliving those feelings that we push down but that don’t ever really go away. It had been 25 years since my “friends” had called me asking about homework and giggling in the background from a party I wasn’t invited to. Twenty-five years later and the pain came rushing back when I shared the experience with my peer counseling students. And I wasn’t the only one; student after student shared similar experiences that happened to them, mostly during elementary school.”
Read the entire article>>
Making Peer Mediation a Part of Campus Life
EducationWorld.com
“Teen skirmishes over rumors, perceived put-downs, and he-said-she-said arguments might seem inconsequential to adults, but to kids they can be major distractions. Mediation by peers can clear up misunderstandings quickly and improve school climate. Included: Ed World visits a peer mediation conference.
In schools, student conflicts can simmer for days. Starting with a glance, a whisper, or an innuendo, and seasoned with rumors, such conflicts can boil over into clique showdowns, shouting matches, threats, or worse.”
Read the entire article>>
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
"Leave me alone."
Here we all are in Candyland, the place of easily and readily accessible knowledge and merchandise, available with a thought and a click. It is interesting that the trail while browsing the internet is referred to as leaving ‘cookies’—such an innocuous term, but like the fairy tale reference to Hans and Gretel, if you examine the premise, it is pretty scary; being preyed upon and exposed to malevolent, unseen forces is not something most would willingly choose to do. These unseen forces are bullies. As I have pointed out before, cyberbullying is the worst form of harassment, as there is no safe haven, no place that you cannot be found as you have left evidence of your whereabouts on every device you use.
What am I leading up to and what is my bully issue now? It is a personal matter that I have concerning rights to privacy. I received notification of impending vote from the condo association in Honolulu that owners are to decide on three subjects: one of which is to have our entire buildings and premises, including inside the apartment, smoke free. There are two buildings, a common area on the fourth floor, and 938 units. This is a lot of space and a lot of people, but not all are owners of the units they reside in and not everyone will get a vote on this proposal. I understand that there are people with medical and personal objections to smoking, that it is a matter of maintaining the grounds and secondhand smoke; but I do not understand the rationale of dictating what goes on inside my condo unit. And unfortunately, precedent has been set where a condo association in Colorado won the case to have a smoke free property outside and inside a newly built complex.
How will anyone know what I am doing inside my unit? Will there be a camcorder set up to monitor my actions, or a drone? Will I be sanctioned with a written warning, verbal abuse, or eviction from my property if I light up? Will I have to sign a pledge that I will abide by this rule and turn in my neighbors if I know someone has broken the covenant?
What happens down the road if/when someone decides that alcohol is unhealthy for everyone and no one should be allowed to drink beer, wine, or spirits? Or wearing green shirts is inflammatory and prejudicial to chameleons? Flip-flops are really not very healthy for the feet—perhaps no one should wear flip-flops in the interest of insurance coverage.
I am not trivializing this, but trying to make a point that there has to be a boundary between the outside and inside of our lives that cannot be legislated; what is happening is an over legislating and intrusion upon fundamental rights by a majority, but a majority that is not totally representative of the whole. Frankly, I am scared that we are one step away from being institutionalized, with no basic individual rights upheld against a bureaucratic process. (Madness?) As I have stated in another context, once you have abnegated your rights, it is hard to win them back.
We need to be very careful about giving away our right to privacy, either knowingly or unknowingly. This has been my wake up call to pay attention to the erosion of my fundamental right to be left alone in my own house, my private space. I will be paying closer attention to how much of my life, my activities, gets monitored and marketed back to me, deleting trails where and when I can, as well as protesting any which way I can. Stay out of my bedroom, my closet, my living room. I may be a small voice, like a clownfish in a sea of whales, but I will heard. You can count on it.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
A Penny in Time Chapter 6: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Part 1)
"Childling, what are you doing here?"
Well, wasn't that the question of the year! Before I could answer, the creature, I'd guess at least eight feet tall, shook his pearly mane and scolded, "It's much too late for you to be out."
He seemed to know me and I had a feeling I knew this shaggy, but well-groomed creature that towered over me, extending a paw-like hand towards me. His fur was satiny-white and he had liquid brown eyes beneath puckered eyebrows in a rather stern, human-like face. It was not an unkind face, just not too friendly. Yugo, snuggled in my arms, wasn't the least bit afraid of him, either, not that I could sense. But Yugo also didn't give out any information on this guy, which left me wondering if I should shake his hand or what.
I'd trust my instincts. I clasped his hand and replied, "Please call me Dusty."
"Humph," he squeezed my hand and let go, "'Dusty' is not a proper name, Elizabeth Conner."
Now I knew why he felt so familiar, he reminded me of my Dad.
"Come along," he took a key from a big ring and unlocked the gate, a soft clicking echoing throughout the deserted streets. "You may call me Mr. dIAmand." He swung the gate open and as I took a step, he stopped me with an upraised hand. "You must," he pointed to Yugo, "leave the misbegotten outside the city walls. It must return to the desert."
"No!" I shot back, without a moment's hesitation, heartened by my voice ringing in the still night air. "Yugo and I stay together. I must get some food for him. He's starving." I stroked Yugo and he purred. "Maybe you can help find his parents." I smiled at the man-thing, seeing a resemblance between him and Yugo. Yugo would probably grow up to look a lot like Mr. dIAmand.
"It is not possible," he rejoined, stepping over the threshold into the city. "Misbegottens are not allowed here in the Perpetual City."
"But he's one of your kind!" I shrieked. "You can't leave Yugo to die out in the desert! You can't!" No one could be that cruel.
Yugo burrowed deeper into my arms. We both felt terrified that we'd be left outside to die.
The keys jingled and I realized Mr. dIAmand's hand trembled as he spoke. "It isn't done. The misbegottens do not come back. You must understand, there is no place for them." He met my eyes, and I thought I saw sadness in them. "You mustn't interfere with the way things are here, Elizabeth Conner."
I took three steps over to him, facing him so that he could not avoid looking me in the eyes while I spoke. "Is that the way things are done here? Murder of the innocents?"
"No!" he boomed. "These misbegottens are not innocent! They accept that they must not be." Then with a careful gesture, he touched my shoulder with his shaggy hand. "Do not take it upon yourself to change things. You cannot make what is acceptable seem wrong. This cannot be tolerated!"
I sounded a lot braver than I felt, but I had too much to lose to give in to him, even if my own life depended on his help. "It's murder, Mr. dIAmand, and you'll be a murderer."
"I am only responsible for you!" He thundered, cutting great arcs with his hand-paw. "I can do nothing for the misbegotten. Now come along!"
"Who says?" I challenged.
"Who says?" hooted Mr. dIAmand, clearly puzzled.
"Who makes all these rules and says you're only responsible for me and not for Yugo?"
I had obviously asked the right question by the smug look on Mr. D's face and the sound of his voice. "Why, the Perfect Council decided these matters long before you or I were born, Elizabeth Conner."
"Well then, Mr. D, we'll challenge the Perfect Council. You'll be only responsible for me, as I assume full responsibility for Yugo." I had a vague notion that Mr. D was in a bind; he must have been assigned to take care of me and I meant to use that to my advantage. "I won't go with you if you won't ask the Perfect Council to consider my case for Yugo."
All the while Yugo mewed I stroked him, offering him all the comfort I could muster. I banked on Mr. D's sense of 'responsibility' as being about as rigid as he was.
"Excellent idea Elizabeth Conner! We shall do that. Now, please come along." He stood aside for me to walk by and I kept Yugo tucked out of reach, for I wasn't real sure Mr. D wouldn't snatch Yugo and throw him away.
"Elizabeth Conner," Mr. dIAmand brought his hand gently upon my shoulder, "you mustn't call me any name other than my rightful one. It isn't proper."
Yugo still needed food and I had pushed Mr. D about as far as I thought I could, but I was stuck on a principle. "In a way, I understand that. You call me Dusty and I'll call you Mr. dIAmand." I stretched as tall as I could make myself and looked Mr. D in the eye.
"But, childling, I must call you by your rightful name. Surely, you can understand that?" He asked so sincerely, so clearly baffled, that I had to reply with the very truth of the matter.
"It offends me." I didn't want to go into all the whys and wherefores, so I added, "For reasons of my own."
He studied me, which gave me a chance to look him over, too. He really was quite beautiful, with long, shiny hair that begged to be brushed and stroked. He had a nice face, but one that I doubt I could remember or describe, other than it was nice. I guess that's why he reminded me of my Dad, only Mr. D had a lot more hair.
Well, wasn't that the question of the year! Before I could answer, the creature, I'd guess at least eight feet tall, shook his pearly mane and scolded, "It's much too late for you to be out."
He seemed to know me and I had a feeling I knew this shaggy, but well-groomed creature that towered over me, extending a paw-like hand towards me. His fur was satiny-white and he had liquid brown eyes beneath puckered eyebrows in a rather stern, human-like face. It was not an unkind face, just not too friendly. Yugo, snuggled in my arms, wasn't the least bit afraid of him, either, not that I could sense. But Yugo also didn't give out any information on this guy, which left me wondering if I should shake his hand or what.
I'd trust my instincts. I clasped his hand and replied, "Please call me Dusty."
"Humph," he squeezed my hand and let go, "'Dusty' is not a proper name, Elizabeth Conner."
Now I knew why he felt so familiar, he reminded me of my Dad.
"Come along," he took a key from a big ring and unlocked the gate, a soft clicking echoing throughout the deserted streets. "You may call me Mr. dIAmand." He swung the gate open and as I took a step, he stopped me with an upraised hand. "You must," he pointed to Yugo, "leave the misbegotten outside the city walls. It must return to the desert."
"No!" I shot back, without a moment's hesitation, heartened by my voice ringing in the still night air. "Yugo and I stay together. I must get some food for him. He's starving." I stroked Yugo and he purred. "Maybe you can help find his parents." I smiled at the man-thing, seeing a resemblance between him and Yugo. Yugo would probably grow up to look a lot like Mr. dIAmand.
"It is not possible," he rejoined, stepping over the threshold into the city. "Misbegottens are not allowed here in the Perpetual City."
"But he's one of your kind!" I shrieked. "You can't leave Yugo to die out in the desert! You can't!" No one could be that cruel.
Yugo burrowed deeper into my arms. We both felt terrified that we'd be left outside to die.
The keys jingled and I realized Mr. dIAmand's hand trembled as he spoke. "It isn't done. The misbegottens do not come back. You must understand, there is no place for them." He met my eyes, and I thought I saw sadness in them. "You mustn't interfere with the way things are here, Elizabeth Conner."
I took three steps over to him, facing him so that he could not avoid looking me in the eyes while I spoke. "Is that the way things are done here? Murder of the innocents?"
"No!" he boomed. "These misbegottens are not innocent! They accept that they must not be." Then with a careful gesture, he touched my shoulder with his shaggy hand. "Do not take it upon yourself to change things. You cannot make what is acceptable seem wrong. This cannot be tolerated!"
I sounded a lot braver than I felt, but I had too much to lose to give in to him, even if my own life depended on his help. "It's murder, Mr. dIAmand, and you'll be a murderer."
"I am only responsible for you!" He thundered, cutting great arcs with his hand-paw. "I can do nothing for the misbegotten. Now come along!"
"Who says?" I challenged.
"Who says?" hooted Mr. dIAmand, clearly puzzled.
"Who makes all these rules and says you're only responsible for me and not for Yugo?"
I had obviously asked the right question by the smug look on Mr. D's face and the sound of his voice. "Why, the Perfect Council decided these matters long before you or I were born, Elizabeth Conner."
"Well then, Mr. D, we'll challenge the Perfect Council. You'll be only responsible for me, as I assume full responsibility for Yugo." I had a vague notion that Mr. D was in a bind; he must have been assigned to take care of me and I meant to use that to my advantage. "I won't go with you if you won't ask the Perfect Council to consider my case for Yugo."
All the while Yugo mewed I stroked him, offering him all the comfort I could muster. I banked on Mr. D's sense of 'responsibility' as being about as rigid as he was.
"Excellent idea Elizabeth Conner! We shall do that. Now, please come along." He stood aside for me to walk by and I kept Yugo tucked out of reach, for I wasn't real sure Mr. D wouldn't snatch Yugo and throw him away.
"Elizabeth Conner," Mr. dIAmand brought his hand gently upon my shoulder, "you mustn't call me any name other than my rightful one. It isn't proper."
Yugo still needed food and I had pushed Mr. D about as far as I thought I could, but I was stuck on a principle. "In a way, I understand that. You call me Dusty and I'll call you Mr. dIAmand." I stretched as tall as I could make myself and looked Mr. D in the eye.
"But, childling, I must call you by your rightful name. Surely, you can understand that?" He asked so sincerely, so clearly baffled, that I had to reply with the very truth of the matter.
"It offends me." I didn't want to go into all the whys and wherefores, so I added, "For reasons of my own."
He studied me, which gave me a chance to look him over, too. He really was quite beautiful, with long, shiny hair that begged to be brushed and stroked. He had a nice face, but one that I doubt I could remember or describe, other than it was nice. I guess that's why he reminded me of my Dad, only Mr. D had a lot more hair.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Practicing Kindness
6 Simple Ways Children Can Spread Kindness in Schools
by Dr. Michele Borba
Practicing kindness is what helps children tune into other people’s feelings and needs, trust more, step out of their own skins to understand others, and become UnSelfies (my term for kids who are “more we, less me” oriented). Each kind act nudges kids to notice others (“I see how you feel”). Care (“I’m concerned about you”), empathize (“I feel with you”) and help and comfort (“Let me ease your pain”).
Helping students practice kindness also activates empathy and creates more caring schools. That’s why I consider “Practicing Kindness” as an essential habit of empathy.
Over the last years, I’ve observed countless classrooms around the world as I researched ways to nurture children’s empathy and reduce bullying. Here are a few favorite ways educators help students practice kindness and acquire empathy from my book, UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. The book includes over 300 practical ways based on the latest science, and none cost a dime, and are simple to implement.
Read the entire article>>
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
1…2…3…DON’T BULLY ME!
There are billboards along the highway with positive messages against bullying and websites, many of which are empowering for those who are targets of bullies. Many issues are addressed but one aspect often overlooked is the fourth element in a bully arena: the bystanders, a silent group that is not affiliated with the bully, the bully’s “henchmen”, or the “reinforcers”. Data from a study that was done on school bullying sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control, “Preventing Bullying Through Science, Policy, and Practice”, documents these four elements of the bully scenario.
An understanding of the dynamics of bullying can give a perspective on why and how, or why not, a bully becomes a respected force in a peer group. Status is the main reason behind bullying, and status with respect is conferred by “popularity, dominance and visibility.” But to achieve this, the bully needs an audience. That audience is the “reinforcers” and bystanders. The bully needs others watching him/her tormenting another person. There are four components in the bully arena: the “henchmen”, those who help the bully torment the targets and “reinforcers”, those who laugh, cheer, taunt, video the torture, but remain disconnected from the bully, taking an obvious pro-bully side against the victim; and for the victim, the defenders, who can disable the bully in the classroom and outside, more than half of the time. Lastly, the fourth element, are the bystanders, those who may be also traumatized by fear of the bully but cannot or will not take any action. So, in the arena, you are either the perpetrator, the bully, or an enforcer, an associate of the bully, or a reinforcer, participant in the audience, or a silent someone on the sidelines, a bystander.
What is needed is more defenders. To repeat an interesting point of the study, “The presence of defenders in classrooms is associated with fewer instances of bullying behavior, whereas the presence of reinforcers is linked to increased incidence of bullying (Salmivalli et al., 2011)….Bystanders doing nothing can also send a message that bullying is acceptable.” This is important because it is the key to breaking the cycle of abuse. This cycle starts in early grade school, and escalates during the teen years, especially with instances of cyberbullying. While one cannot necessarily vocalize, there are ways to stop the cyberbullies; firstly, by not participating in texting, sexting or harassing on social media, deleting the material after making a copy of the offending material and turning it over to someone in authority, and calling out those who are using cyberspace as an arena for bullying.
Talk, talk, talk to your children. If we actively encouraged our children to be defenders, especially on the playground, and not to fear repercussions from the bully, then there would be no audience for the bullies. Without an arena for the bully, henchmen, and reinforcers, there would not be positive payback for picking on someone. Usually, even one person who speaks up and against the bullying, has a positive impact, stopping the action. And others will follow the example of the ‘defender’ , but only if it is in the bystander’s best self-interest: i.e., if the bystander does not become the target.
Confronting the bullies can be rewarded by praise and examples set in the classroom by teachers and staff, and at home by caregivers and parents and family members, where children are encouraged to stand up, and speak up, because it is the right thing to do. There is a great website, Stomp out Bullying that used the term “Bystanders….Become Upstanders”. Just the word, ‘upstanders’ is empowering and can make a big difference between a child feeling second-hand harassment or being proactive in a negative situation. And it is proven in studies that when teachers, caregivers and parents encourage the ‘silent other’ to speak up on one’s own behalf or anothers, the bullying instances are reduced significantly in the classroom and on the playground. It is more than just words when one has a voice that is heard; it is power to be.
And be sure to check out this awesome website: free2luv.org
An understanding of the dynamics of bullying can give a perspective on why and how, or why not, a bully becomes a respected force in a peer group. Status is the main reason behind bullying, and status with respect is conferred by “popularity, dominance and visibility.” But to achieve this, the bully needs an audience. That audience is the “reinforcers” and bystanders. The bully needs others watching him/her tormenting another person. There are four components in the bully arena: the “henchmen”, those who help the bully torment the targets and “reinforcers”, those who laugh, cheer, taunt, video the torture, but remain disconnected from the bully, taking an obvious pro-bully side against the victim; and for the victim, the defenders, who can disable the bully in the classroom and outside, more than half of the time. Lastly, the fourth element, are the bystanders, those who may be also traumatized by fear of the bully but cannot or will not take any action. So, in the arena, you are either the perpetrator, the bully, or an enforcer, an associate of the bully, or a reinforcer, participant in the audience, or a silent someone on the sidelines, a bystander.
What is needed is more defenders. To repeat an interesting point of the study, “The presence of defenders in classrooms is associated with fewer instances of bullying behavior, whereas the presence of reinforcers is linked to increased incidence of bullying (Salmivalli et al., 2011)….Bystanders doing nothing can also send a message that bullying is acceptable.” This is important because it is the key to breaking the cycle of abuse. This cycle starts in early grade school, and escalates during the teen years, especially with instances of cyberbullying. While one cannot necessarily vocalize, there are ways to stop the cyberbullies; firstly, by not participating in texting, sexting or harassing on social media, deleting the material after making a copy of the offending material and turning it over to someone in authority, and calling out those who are using cyberspace as an arena for bullying.
Talk, talk, talk to your children. If we actively encouraged our children to be defenders, especially on the playground, and not to fear repercussions from the bully, then there would be no audience for the bullies. Without an arena for the bully, henchmen, and reinforcers, there would not be positive payback for picking on someone. Usually, even one person who speaks up and against the bullying, has a positive impact, stopping the action. And others will follow the example of the ‘defender’ , but only if it is in the bystander’s best self-interest: i.e., if the bystander does not become the target.
Confronting the bullies can be rewarded by praise and examples set in the classroom by teachers and staff, and at home by caregivers and parents and family members, where children are encouraged to stand up, and speak up, because it is the right thing to do. There is a great website, Stomp out Bullying that used the term “Bystanders….Become Upstanders”. Just the word, ‘upstanders’ is empowering and can make a big difference between a child feeling second-hand harassment or being proactive in a negative situation. And it is proven in studies that when teachers, caregivers and parents encourage the ‘silent other’ to speak up on one’s own behalf or anothers, the bullying instances are reduced significantly in the classroom and on the playground. It is more than just words when one has a voice that is heard; it is power to be.
And be sure to check out this awesome website: free2luv.org
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Movies About Bullying to Share with Your Kids
Start the conversation about bullying, being a bystander, and being yourself, with these family-friendly movies.
Billy Elliot (2000)
A heartwarming tale of a young boy who dreams of being a dancer despite the protestations of his family and town.
Stars Jamie Bell, Julie Walters, and Jean Heywood.
More on imdb.com>>
The Fat Boy Chronicles (2010)
When overweight teen Jimmy is bullied by his classmates at his new school, he starts keeping a journal to understand his feelings.
Stars Christopher Rivera, Kelly Washington, and Chris Bert.
More on imdb.com>>
Cyberbully (2011)
Teenager Taylor becomes the target of cyberbullying via social media in this drama.
Stars Emily Osment, Kay Panabaker, and Meaghan Rath.
More on imdb.com>>
Billy Elliot (2000)A heartwarming tale of a young boy who dreams of being a dancer despite the protestations of his family and town.
Stars Jamie Bell, Julie Walters, and Jean Heywood.
More on imdb.com>>
When overweight teen Jimmy is bullied by his classmates at his new school, he starts keeping a journal to understand his feelings.
Stars Christopher Rivera, Kelly Washington, and Chris Bert.
More on imdb.com>>
Teenager Taylor becomes the target of cyberbullying via social media in this drama.
Stars Emily Osment, Kay Panabaker, and Meaghan Rath.
More on imdb.com>>
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Back-to-School Anxiety and Stress
by Elizabeth J. Meyer Ph.D., PsychologyToday.com
Pay attention to what your kids don’t say. As school gets closer, your child’s behavior may change if they are experiencing fear or anxiety about returning to school. If they become more moody, withdrawn, or have a significant change in behavior or eating habits, these are all signals that something is going on that they may need your help with. Your job as a parent is to find out what it is and what you can do to help. If these behaviors become extreme (disordered eating, self harm, drug/alcohol abuse, etc.), don’t hesitate to seek out professional assistance. Read the entire article>>
9 Yoga Tools to Calm Kids’ Back-to-School Anxiety
By Erika Prafder, YogaJournal.com
It’s that time again—book bags are ready to roll and students nationwide are returning to school. While anxiety is natural, practicing yoga and certain breathing techniques can help students handle the pressures associated with peers, workload and making the grade. Try these 9 yoga tools with your kids for a stress-free start to the semester. Read the entire article>>
Plan to Tackle High School Stress, Now
by Alexandra Pannoni, USNews.com
And while children should know their parents are there for them, parents shouldn't solve problems for their kids or put more pressure on them, Gissal says. Hughes says parents should resize their expectations of their kids. While everyone wants their children to get into the best colleges, Hughes says, that isn't the wisest goal for all students. Read the entire article>>
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
A Penny in Time Chapter 5: Soul Surfing (part 2)
He must have been puzzled, too. I don't think he had any idea of what a light was, or sunshine. Try explaining it sometime. It really stretches the brain cells. Popped a few of mine, for sure.
"Never mind, Yugo. I'll know it if I see it." Which I didn't, right at the moment. Everything still looked basically the same gray nothingness that covered acres and acres of land. The sky was still a washed-out colorless sheet overhead and the rocks were even all one color of non-color. "This would depress a saint, Yugo. So imagine how I feel."
I wish I hadn't said that, because he did imagine how I felt. Emotions were not a small matter to Yugo and the fleeting moment of hopelessness came back to me magnified. I would have to be more careful, more precise what I meant and to what degree, or I would be too overwhelmed by despair to get up and go on.
I stood, bent over and picked him up, giving him a firm hug. "We're not without hope! We're not going to give up!" I thought then, I would go straight ahead, keep moving until a better idea hit me. As I picked my way down over the rocks, off over my left shoulder, I spotted a bright mass. "Yugo!" I yelped for joy and just about lost my footing. "I think it's a city! Yes, it could be! Hold on!"
I scrambled down from the last rocky shelf, stumbling and almost falling, but Yugo clung to me with an iron grip that amazed me, I'd thought of him as almost helpless. Just as I started forward, I felt a rumbling behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw a landslide of rocks coming down on us.
My first thought was Yugo. I hunched over, trying to cover him with as much as my body as I could while squeezing under the shelf I had jumped off. Pebbles and stones rained down, pattering the sand, stacking up as a wall around us.
Yugo cried and I felt him quaking in my arms. "It's all right," I reassured him, hoping he would believe me, "we aren't hurt and I'll dig us out of here." When I thought it safe enough, I once again put Yugo in the carrier-scarf and began plucking one by one at the rocks until there was an opening large enough for us to crawl out.
I was so happy, relieved and excited that I think I must have had the strength of Hercules to carry us all the way across the long stretch of sand that sucked at my feet. It was like running a marathon at Alki Beach, but in spite of the slowing down, I jogged at a steady pace, stopping short of the locked gate that led into the city of lights.
I was winded, but awfully happy to be here where there might be civilized beings. The whole place was lit up, the light radiating was clean, clear and bright. The buildings were huge, like gigantic polished mirrors that made what I realized was not a big city but more of a fortress, look so much bigger than it was.
"Our problem now, Yugo," I petted him and felt a hundred smiles inside of me, "is to get inside somehow." I absolutely had no doubt we would and could get there and get help. "I like to hear you purr, little guy."
I could tell he didn't like being strapped over my chest, so I undid the scarf, put him down while I tied the scarf around my waist, and then picked him again. I continued stroking him absent-mindedly while I searched for a doorbell or entrance. I no longer felt panicky, but figured it was just a matter getting someone's attention and we would be let inside. The last thing I figured on was Yugo biting me. "Ow! You brat!" I howled, shaking my hurt hand and hopping around, while I still held on to Yugo. "You're just lucky I didn't drop you on your face!" I examined my hand closely. No blood, but a lot of pain.
"Why'd you do that, anyway?" I peered into his face, and I didn't think he looked the least bit sorry, so I gave him a little shake and asked again, "Why did you bite me?"
Well, I guess if I'd been listening, I'd known the poor thing was hungry, more like starved. He must have thought I'd slacked off my efforts when I gawked so long at the city lights.
"All right, I understand, but remember it's me you're dealing with, and you shouldn't hurt your only friend." I snuggled him closer. "If you do it again, I'll put you down and you'll have to keep up with me any way you can, understand?" I think he took it as an empty threat, but I thought I could do it and would if he bit me again.
I grabbed the gate and rattled it, but it was solid didn't make any noise. I had been so happy to get here that I hadn't even considered the possibility of not getting inside. There was no way for me to climb over the six-foot metal fence, as it was smooth and slick, no footholds anywhere. So close, yet so far.
We'd come such a long way to get here, across a desert, chased by a demon, pelted by a rock slide, only to find out that we couldn't get in. We'd risked out lives to get here, and I wasn't going to let Yugo die. "Hey! Hey, someone, anyone!" I shouted, louder and louder. My echoes repeated, mocking me. "Someone, help! We need help!"
Even as I was shouting and peering through the slats of the gate, I thought it odd no one was in sight. I mean no one, no activity at all. The streets, sidewalks and storefronts were spotless and gleamed in the reflection of the lit-up buildings, making it all the more eerie because the city seemed lifeless. I listened real hard, turning my attention outward away from my thoughts or Yugo. I heard nothing. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I screamed. Clutching Yugo, I backed up against the fence and stared, mouth wide open at the awesome, nasty looking dude in front of me.
"Never mind, Yugo. I'll know it if I see it." Which I didn't, right at the moment. Everything still looked basically the same gray nothingness that covered acres and acres of land. The sky was still a washed-out colorless sheet overhead and the rocks were even all one color of non-color. "This would depress a saint, Yugo. So imagine how I feel."
I wish I hadn't said that, because he did imagine how I felt. Emotions were not a small matter to Yugo and the fleeting moment of hopelessness came back to me magnified. I would have to be more careful, more precise what I meant and to what degree, or I would be too overwhelmed by despair to get up and go on.
I stood, bent over and picked him up, giving him a firm hug. "We're not without hope! We're not going to give up!" I thought then, I would go straight ahead, keep moving until a better idea hit me. As I picked my way down over the rocks, off over my left shoulder, I spotted a bright mass. "Yugo!" I yelped for joy and just about lost my footing. "I think it's a city! Yes, it could be! Hold on!"
I scrambled down from the last rocky shelf, stumbling and almost falling, but Yugo clung to me with an iron grip that amazed me, I'd thought of him as almost helpless. Just as I started forward, I felt a rumbling behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw a landslide of rocks coming down on us.
My first thought was Yugo. I hunched over, trying to cover him with as much as my body as I could while squeezing under the shelf I had jumped off. Pebbles and stones rained down, pattering the sand, stacking up as a wall around us.
Yugo cried and I felt him quaking in my arms. "It's all right," I reassured him, hoping he would believe me, "we aren't hurt and I'll dig us out of here." When I thought it safe enough, I once again put Yugo in the carrier-scarf and began plucking one by one at the rocks until there was an opening large enough for us to crawl out.
I was so happy, relieved and excited that I think I must have had the strength of Hercules to carry us all the way across the long stretch of sand that sucked at my feet. It was like running a marathon at Alki Beach, but in spite of the slowing down, I jogged at a steady pace, stopping short of the locked gate that led into the city of lights.
I was winded, but awfully happy to be here where there might be civilized beings. The whole place was lit up, the light radiating was clean, clear and bright. The buildings were huge, like gigantic polished mirrors that made what I realized was not a big city but more of a fortress, look so much bigger than it was.
"Our problem now, Yugo," I petted him and felt a hundred smiles inside of me, "is to get inside somehow." I absolutely had no doubt we would and could get there and get help. "I like to hear you purr, little guy."
I could tell he didn't like being strapped over my chest, so I undid the scarf, put him down while I tied the scarf around my waist, and then picked him again. I continued stroking him absent-mindedly while I searched for a doorbell or entrance. I no longer felt panicky, but figured it was just a matter getting someone's attention and we would be let inside. The last thing I figured on was Yugo biting me. "Ow! You brat!" I howled, shaking my hurt hand and hopping around, while I still held on to Yugo. "You're just lucky I didn't drop you on your face!" I examined my hand closely. No blood, but a lot of pain.
"Why'd you do that, anyway?" I peered into his face, and I didn't think he looked the least bit sorry, so I gave him a little shake and asked again, "Why did you bite me?"
Well, I guess if I'd been listening, I'd known the poor thing was hungry, more like starved. He must have thought I'd slacked off my efforts when I gawked so long at the city lights.
"All right, I understand, but remember it's me you're dealing with, and you shouldn't hurt your only friend." I snuggled him closer. "If you do it again, I'll put you down and you'll have to keep up with me any way you can, understand?" I think he took it as an empty threat, but I thought I could do it and would if he bit me again.
I grabbed the gate and rattled it, but it was solid didn't make any noise. I had been so happy to get here that I hadn't even considered the possibility of not getting inside. There was no way for me to climb over the six-foot metal fence, as it was smooth and slick, no footholds anywhere. So close, yet so far.
We'd come such a long way to get here, across a desert, chased by a demon, pelted by a rock slide, only to find out that we couldn't get in. We'd risked out lives to get here, and I wasn't going to let Yugo die. "Hey! Hey, someone, anyone!" I shouted, louder and louder. My echoes repeated, mocking me. "Someone, help! We need help!"
Even as I was shouting and peering through the slats of the gate, I thought it odd no one was in sight. I mean no one, no activity at all. The streets, sidewalks and storefronts were spotless and gleamed in the reflection of the lit-up buildings, making it all the more eerie because the city seemed lifeless. I listened real hard, turning my attention outward away from my thoughts or Yugo. I heard nothing. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I screamed. Clutching Yugo, I backed up against the fence and stared, mouth wide open at the awesome, nasty looking dude in front of me.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Say it Again, Sam
You may have thought that the subject of bullying is passé, but I assure you it is not. Now there is quantitative evidence that bullying impacts young children, as well as teenagers, in many surprising ways, short-term and long-term, and may well have lifetime altering effects on the developing brain centers for learning. I came across an article in the Seattle Times, May 11, 2016, “Extensive study calls school bullying public-health problem”, about a study that was done on school bullying. I downloaded and read the 300 page report, sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control, “Preventing Bullying Through Science, Policy, and Practice”, that detailed through exacting methodology several aspects of bullying behavior and consequences, as well as several suggestions on how to address these bully issues in our public schools. You can watch Committee Chair Frederick Rivara’s overview of the report on YouTube.
Much of the report validated the literature on bullying behavior and consequences. One eye-opener that took me aback was a practice called “teaming”, where children are put into smaller learning groups—I have been an advocate for smaller class sizes for years—yet it turns out that this is not a healthy environment for children who were not well-liked by their peers or bullied. These small groups “magnify the effects of being bullied…because the targets of bullying are more visible in less populated settings (Klein and Cornell, 2010, et al., 2013:“Preventing Bullying Through Science, Policy, and Practice”, page 83)”. The targets, or the bullied children, cannot escape their tormentors if they are in classes with them all day, everyday.
Not all children are bullied, but there are certain groups that are more vulnerable. Certain kids take the brunt of it, including Asperger’s kids and others with disabilities, as well as minorities, immigrants, refugees, goth types, nerdy kids, or any others who occupy the fringes and are already uncomfortable in their own skins. Though it can start in the first grade, the really challenging stuff often crops up in the fifth and sixth grades, especially among girls. The ones being bullied are the very kids already at risk for depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety, which bullying can worsen. Social media can exacerbate this by making it less obvious and visible. (ibid., page 83)
The physical and mental effects of being bullied are well documented: depression, anxiety, delinquency, aggression, withdrawal, headaches, and stomach aches. One aspect being studied is how the stress of being bullied affects the learning center in the brain. Under stress, cortisol is released throughout the body for the “fight or flight” survival response; it is evident that bullied children often experience post traumatic stress syndrome and the constant pressure of being victimized, and presence of cortisol, alters the ‘mechanisms’ of the neural system in the developing brain. Cortisol also disrupts sleep and sleeping patterns, which can have severe repercussions for the physical and mental health of a child; ‘brain fog’ being a significant factor in loss of interest and desire to interact or learn. A child simply cannot concentrate or retain information if he or she is focused on survival.
An additional factor of stress for targets of bullies is peer perceptions. Going to a caregiver, teacher or mentor may not be an option if a child has pride and/or a sense of fear that he or she will be perceived as “weak”. Yet, it is documented that teachers especially have a great deal of positive influence on the overall peer group, where zero-tolerance policies that result in expulsion or suspension may not have any effect on bullying in schools. It boils down to this: it is the immediate environment that the children are in, everyday, that makes the difference. The classroom, the attitude of the teacher, and subsequently, the students, determines whether or not bullying behavior is acceptable.
However, not all of the burden should fall on the shoulders of the educators. Parents must be the primary source of security for a child and responsible for a safe, secure home environment, both in the physical sense and as an emotional haven. I have written articles about cyberbullying, which has created a mobile hostile environment that harasses the target anywhere, anytime. With the ubiquitous social media making cyberbullying prevalent and easy to do on the internet, the social networking sites have a responsibility to enact anti-bully policies. Parents, educators, and companies must ensure a safe environment for all children, taking meaningful steps to combat bullying at home, at school, and on the internet. More and more evidence is surfacing that indicates the problems associated with bullying behavior have lasting consequences and potential lifelong ill effects on the mental health, physical health, and learning abilities of children. They are the next generation, the ones we will be looking to for innovations, leadership, and care-taking. It is our moral obligation to provide them with the skills and opportunities to become leaders, inventors, and caring citizens of a global community. If we don’t take action now for our children, who will?
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Bullying in the News
Neuroscience of bullying: Why do some find it rewarding?
Medical News Today
"There has been a great deal of study into the psychological and social reasons behind bullying. As neuroscience grows in strength, new findings are also adding to our knowledge about how and why bullying takes place. Researchers now believe that aggressive behavior is associated with an inappropriate activation of the brain's reward system." Read the entire article>>
3 Mistakes Parents Make When Their Own Kids Bully Them
by Sean Grover L.C.S.W., Psychology Today
"When testing turns to bullying, negotiation is off the table. When you negotiate with a bully, you set the stage for ongoing conflicts. Like surrendering, it rewards bullying and trains your child that bullying works. The next time your kid is frustrated by your restrictions, he will return to bullying because bullying leads to negotiation, and negotiation leans to getting what he wants." Read the entire article>>
If You Don’t Get Why Campus Rape Is A National Problem, Read This
by Lydia O'Connor and Tyler Kingkade, Huffington Post
"For many people, reading the Stanford University sexual assault victim’s powerful letter to her assailant was an entry point into the complicated, unjust realities of reporting and punishing sexual assault. While the attention the case — and similar ones at Baylor and Vanderbilt Universities — received is unusual, the attacks are not. Here are some of the most important things you need to know about the scope of sexual assault on college campuses. Around 1 in 5 women may experience sexual assault at college." Read the entire article>>
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
