Running the Gauntlet

There’s the bell for first class. Walk slowly. Time it just right and maybe you ‘ll be the last one to sit down at your desk. Pretend you don’t hear them.

“Faggot.”
“Dyke.”
“That’s so gay.”
“No homo.”
“Tranny.”
“She-male.”

At least once during the day, LGBTQIA+ students, a reported estimated 1.3 million high school students identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, will hear an epithet casually and purposefully thrown at them, intending to hurt, belittle, ridicule.  An excellent article in The Seattle Times, Aug 12, 2016,”Heartbreaking” is a survey on abuse of gay students” by Jan Hoffman with additional Federal data, reports:

The first nationwide study to ask high school students about their sexuality found that gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers were at far greater risk for depression, bullying and many types of violence than their straight peers.

“I found the numbers heartbreaking,” said Dr. Jonathan Mermin, a senior official at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which includes a division that administered the survey.

These adolescents were three times more likely than straight students to have been raped. They skipped school far more often because they did not feel safe; at least a third had been bullied on school property. And they were twice as likely as heterosexual students to have been threatened or injured with a weapon on school property.

More than 40 percent of these students reported that they had seriously considered suicide, and 29 percent had made attempts to do so in the year before they took the survey. A conservative estimate is 1,500 LGBTQIA+ commit suicide every year. The percentage of those who used illegal drugs was many times greater than their heterosexual peers. While 1.3 percent of straight students said they had used heroin, for example, 6 percent of the gay, lesbian and bisexual students reported having done so.

Look at these statistics!  They are heartbreaking and horrifying. Understand that 1.3 million people who report to be LGBTQIA+  is roughly the population of Los Angles, California.  Our children are daily engaged in warfare at school without any armor or protection—and for many who come “out” to parents, are kicked out of their home to fend on the street for themselves. Dr. Mermin, director of the National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention at the C.D.C., said it better than I:  “Nations are judged by the health and well-being of their children. Many would find these levels of physical and sexual violence unacceptable and something we should act on quickly.”

What we can do as peers, parents, teacher, mentors, and our community is give support through educating our youth in the home and classrooms about basic issues of how to respect one another as human beings and not as ‘others’.  With the ubiquitous internet and social media, it is imperative to teach our youth hard core values; to be very clear what is bullying and not acceptable behavior towards anyone for any reason.  If not in the home, then at school. There are excellent programs, like Green Dot etc., used by the Air Force, that effectively teach strategy for violence prevention, and what to do as a bystander in bullying and violent situations.

As Dr. Mermin stated emphatically “connectedness -- or social bonds -- to peers, teachers, schools, or community organizations is key to protecting the health of these adolescents. Students will succeed if they know they matter, and feel safe and supported socially, emotionally and physically. Solutions may not be simple, but we can take action to build support for lesbian, gay and bisexual youth at multiple levels.”

I have written several articles emphasizing the need, and the rights of our children to be safe from bullies—-and I especially feel we have an imperative to protect the most vulnerable of our children—-those who are harassed for being different, either racially or because of one’s sexual orientation.  We need to have a continuous dialogue with our children, our family members and community, to talk honestly about bully issues.

To gain insight into the reality of a child being LGBTQIA+ in their daily arena, please take some time to explore websites like:

• Human Rights Campaign: Advocating for LGBTQ Equality
• US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
• MedlinePlus
• Live the Green Dot
• speakforthem.org

Read an excellent article by Kevin L. Nadal, PhD "Stop Saying “That’s So Gay!”: 6 Types of Microaggressions That Harm LGBTQ People" for an enlightening perspective.

Ask yourself what would this world be like without the diversity, talents and skills that the LGBTQIA+ have given us since the beginning of mankind?  The list I could make of the contributions in arts, sciences, politics and humanity of the LGBTQIA+ would be  awesome in its breadth and sheer numbers of people who have influenced and enriched our lives in spite of the obstacles, the prejudices and hostility they have endured.

It is imperative that we, every one of us, ensure that our children, all our children, thrive in a environment that is safe and respectful, especially for the most vulnerable of children, the ‘others’, who are targeted for being different, for being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intersexual or questioning. Too many of these children are at risk everyday of their lives. Tomorrow will be too late for many of them. Today, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today, is the time to stop the cycle of abuse.

L - Lesbian. Lesbian is a term used to refer to homosexual females.

G - Gay. Gay is a term used to refer to homosexuality, a homosexual person, or a homosexual male.

B - Bisexual. Bisexual is when a person is attracted to two sexes/genders.

T - Trans. Trans is an umbrella term for transgender and transsexual people.

Q - Queer/Questioning. Queer is an umbrella term for all of those who are not heterosexual and/or cisgender. Questioning is when a person isn't 100% sure of their sexual orientation and/or gender, and are trying to find their true identity.

I - Intersex. Intersex is when a person has an indeterminate mix of primary and secondary sex characteristics.

A - Asexuality. Asexuality is when a person experiences no (or little, if referring to demisexuality or grey-asexuality) sexual attraction to people.

+ - The "+" symbol simply stands for all of the other sexualities, sexes, and genders that aren't included in these few letters.

website:  lgbtqiainfo.weebly.com

Crossing the Line

The young man cannot go into the boy’s bathroom, nor the girl’s, at least not until all the girls have left, for fear of being harassed, verbally or physically. He cannot be a team member of a school sport, because he will not sign up on a girl’s team. Yet, he told me, these are small sacrifices for claiming his rightful self.
I recently had the opportunity to interview this young man, whom I will nickname Anon, transitioned from girl to boy, daughter to son, sister to brother. At five years old, he knew that it was not right for him to wear girl’s clothing, nor did he act “like a girl.” But his family simply accepted his behavior as tomboyish and dismissed his inclinations to be a boy. In his late teens, Anon made the decision to cross the border, rightfully own his “self”, and actualize his manhood.

Yes, he has been bullied, by both girls and boys. He has been threatened and asked inappropriate questions, about his sexuality and other personal issues. Former girl-friends want to “fix” him, make him feminine enough to “fit in”; but he does not want to fit in, he wants to be who he is.

Imagine yourself on the most difficult journey of being born and then discovering that you have been transported into this world in the wrong body. By age six, our gender identity--if we are female or male--is formed. Overwhelming testimonies of transgender youth knew they were “different”, trapped inside an alien body, even before they could articulate their need for the right name, clothes, toys and recognition for being the “other”.

Until a transgender person can transition into their true identity, this constant opposition of two identities, known as gender dysphoria, can be confusing, mentally painful and disruptive on many levels in their lives, as well as for their families. Then, when the individual makes the decision to transition to the right body, she to he, he to she, the real struggles begin. This is evidenced by the statistics reported by the CDC:

• "33% of transgender youth have attempted suicide,
• 55% of transgender youth report being physically attacked,
• 74% of transgender youth reported being sexually harassed at school,
• 90% of transgender youth reported feeling unsafe at school because of their gender expression,
• 78% reported having been verbally harassed,
• 48% reported having been victims of assault, including assault with a weapon, sexual assault or rape.

CDC reports regarding transgender youth state that such victimization, in turn, is associated with HIV risky behaviors. Youth who had been threatened or bullied at school were more likely to have been diagnosed with an STD, injected drugs, had more than four sex partners, and not used a condom the last time they had sexual intercourse than those who had not been threatened or bullied at school.

Nine out of ten transgender youth feel unsafe in school because of gender identity or expression. The rate of drop out, suicide and homelessness is disproportionately high for our transgender youth." (Source: http://dragitout.org/2011/12/transgender-youth-statistics.html)

A national study reported an even higher incidence of suicide:  41 percent. This is more than 25 times the rate of the general population; among trans people ages 18-44, the suicide attempt rate was 45 percent.
One of the biggest issues many trans people face is the difficulty of changing gender. Transitioning from one gender to another can take many forms, but often requires hormone therapy and sometimes surgery on breasts and/or genitals. Yet transgender people overwhelmingly say it's worth it.

After transitioning, transgender people show a significant decrease in substance abuse problems and depression, for example, and their mental health significantly improves, says clinical psychologist Gail Knudson, a professor in the department of sexual medicine at the University of British Columbia and medical director of the Transgender Health Program at Vancouver Coastal Health.

Anon has a good chance of beating the odds; he is one of the few lucky teens who have the support of family, friends and a girlfriend. His school is also supportive with programs for transgender youth as well as gay, lesbian, and other youth who have chosen a non-conforming lifestyle. As well as seeing a therapist, Anon goes to POW!* (Proud Out Wonderful, an organization for LGBTQ youth 13-21 years old; the term "LGBTQ" stands for "lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, & queer") and finds community with others who have stories to tell. A staggering 1.6 million LGBTQ youth are homeless, rejected because of their non-conformity.

I also spoke with Anon’s parents, who had their own challenges with their child’s transitioning. But throughout their struggles, one thing remained constant:  their love for their child and that held true throughout the tumultuous times. As Anon’s mother explained so well, “We mourn the loss of our daughter, but celebrate the birth of our son.”

Interested in learning more? Anon and his mother recommend two essential books to read:  It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying and Creating a Life Worth Living by Dan Savage (Editor)--which is from a wonderful website featuring the project, IT GETS BETTER (this is so worth exploring for its compassionate and erudite resources for the LGBTQ youth)--and the excellent The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper. These are invaluable guides for anyone--parents, siblings, family, friends, schoolmates, social workers, co-workers--who want to understand someone who may be in transition, who may be-coming of self. We may come into this life alone, but we should not be forced to live a life apart from others.

I firmly believe that we, all of the people that make up the community in Anon’s life and the lives of the LGBTQ, owe it to these individuals to use the tools, such as the programs, literature and anti-bullying laws, to actively seek justice, equality and acceptance into society for all of our children, so that they may become vital and productive adults. This is, after all, in all of our own best self-interest; these are the future caretakers of our planet, community and senior citizens, which ultimately, will be each and every one of us.

*Notes: Through West Seattle-based Navos Mental Health Solutions, a new organization in Burien called "POW!", or Proud Out And Wonderful, assists 13 to 21 year-olds who may identify with being gay or lesbian. The organization states it welcomes "all lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, and allies". According to Intersex Society of North America, "Intersex is a socially constructed category that reflects real biological variation.” 

POW! meets at an anonymous location in Burien every Wednesday from 4:00 pm to 6:00 p.m. Those who attend are also promised anonymity. According to the POW! Facebook Page, "We are a Queer Youth Group providing support and activism in South King County." Its mission, "To provide a safe space for LGBTQ youth to support each other, access resources and wellness tools, and gain the leadership skills to create positive change in their communities." 

The term "LGBTQ" stands for "lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, & queer". The POW! site explains that, "We join with others in reclaiming the use of the word 'queer'. This word, which was used as a weapon against LGBTQ folks for years, is now being used by us and others as an inclusive term. Many people who do not feel that they fit in traditional categories (of gender and sexual orientation) or do not feel that these categories are useful, can come together under a shared identity."