Our relationships with our siblings change over time...sometimes rivals, sometimes friends...sometimes something in-between. Recent research has shown that sibling relationships have the potential to be the most powerful and long-lasting relationships of our lives...if we can see past the jealousy and resentment to the wonderful possibilities that exist. I've always been fascinated by sibling relationships and I've gathered together some interesting articles that include advice, suggestions and tips for handling these important relationships.
Holidays With Family: Repairing Sibling Relations
Unlike with Vegas, What Happens in Childhood does not stay in Childhood
by Avidan Milevsky, Ph.D.
Adult siblings are not immune from similar dynamics that plague childhood sibling interactions. At the core, adult sibling disputes are a manifestation of unresolved childhood feelings. For example, sibling rivalry or jealously concerning achievement or success is often the underlying emotion in both childhood and adult sibling interactions. Parental favoritism is also often a salient feeling that exists in adults that can trigger harsh reactions between siblings. Although we may not say it out of our mouths for fear of sounding childish but if we are honest with ourselves we would admit that we often think “it’s not fair that you have that cool job and I don’t” or “why do you get such an awesome boyfriend and I don’t” or “why are your children so well behaved and mine are at not?” or “mom is making such a big deal about your new job, she always liked you better.” Read the entire article>>
Healthy Sibling Relationships: Your sibling is an important person in your life.
by Raychelle Cassada Lohmann, M.S., L.P.C.
Did you know that research has shown that healthy sibling relationships can significantly benefit us later in life? Those with positive sibling relationships report higher life satisfaction and lower rates of depression later in life. Also in times of illness and traumatic events, siblings provide emotional, social, and psychological support to each other. Research shows that this support is common regardless of whether they live next to or far away from each other. Read the entire article>>
Tips to reconnect with your sibling—a resolution with life long benefits
by Avidan Milevsky, Ph.D.
Instead of resolving to “have a better relationship with my sister” choose a more specific resolution that can be tracked clearly as you accomplish this goal. Resolve to “go out for coffee once a week with Becky” or “send her a nice text or email at least once a day.” Framing it this way is easier to track and see if you are accomplishing your goals. Read the entire article>>
by Claire Sulmers (RealSimple.com)
Scenario 1: Your sibling constantly passes judgment on your career or your kids
Just get over it? No. You don't have to stand for it. By putting you down, he's probably trying to make himself feel better.
What to do: "Be assertive, but not defensive," says Peter Goldenthal, a family psychologist based in Wayne, Pennsylvania, and the author of "Why Can't We Get Along? Healing Adult Sibling Relationships" ($18, amazon.com). Contain the urge to match his tone and rudeness.
"You may not be able to change his behavior, but you can change the way you respond," says Marcia Millman, a professor of sociology at the University of California, Santa Cruz. Tell him what you think, then "try disarming him by telling a joke or mentioning something about him that you genuinely admire," she says. You can choose to act like an adult, even if he can't.
Sample script: "Actually, I'm really happy with Jimmy's choice of major. He should be able to find just as many job opportunities with an economics degree as you did with your business degree." Read the entire article>>
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