Wednesday, June 22, 2016

On and on and on…

There is yet another killing spree at a nightclub in Orlando, Florida, with 49 killed and 53 wounded. In recent memory there is Sandy Hook, Isla Vista, Columbine, Charleston Church and Virginia Tech, the Boston Marathon bombings, San Bernardino Inland Regional Center. And it does not end there. We only have to look over our shoulder at international tragic events like the November, 2015, Paris massacre that claimed 137 lives.

It is not a safe world to live in. I was born in 1952, and during my lifetime, the United States has been engaged in wars—all but three years, 1976-1978. I remember earthquake and bomb shelter drills in grade school. I grew up in San Bernardino, California, having moved from Oklahoma City to Oregon to California. During my childhood and school years, there were gang wars and rampant drug dealing often on campus; Los Angeles Watts riots of 1965, leaving 34 dead and thousands injured; October 1969, San Bernardino High School was in lockdown for riots, several people injured; May 4, 1970, Kent State shootings, 4 dead; the Vietnam War, 1959-1975, five of my friends did not come back; April 19, 1995, the Oklahoma City bombing with 168 confirmed deaths. The worst imaginable was 2001, the Twin Towers terrorist attacks, with 2,996 dead. Unfortunately, I could go on and on and on…..

How can we go about our daily lives without constantly dwelling on the horrific? How can we give our children a sense of safety and security with the constant bombardment of media exploiting the fear and immediacy of events in the news? We cannot turn off the media; ignore the radio, not peruse the newspapers or not read our news feeds on the computer and smartphone; we cannot arm our children with weapons to protect them from everyday life.

What we can do is provide a haven in our family and home, giving them a safety net to catch their fears and worries by reassurance that their world is stable and by example, the people in it are kind and nurturing. Parents and caregivers are important and integral to a child’s sense of his and her environment as either benign or hostile, embedding confidence, enhancing a child’s natural curiosity about the world and people and one’s place in the scheme of life. If the home is not a safe place to be, the outside world is not either.

Parenting is an awesome responsibility. Each one of us needs to examine his or her attitudes toward those in our immediate community and the global village, to ask oneself if, by example, am I exemplifying values of trustworthiness, kindness, compassion, empathy? Will my children see me as someone who is mean-spirited, petty, vicious or bigoted? Or as the parent whom they can trust to tell the truth, treat everyone, young and old, animals, too, with kindness and respect and dignity?

I have written articles about bullies that children have to contend with in their lives; siblings, peers, parents, emotions and world events. I emphasize once again that parents and caregivers are the center of the universe in a child’s life. If a child has a core sense of rightness, safety and trust, the outside remains just a place to be in and not someplace internalized—in other words, the child can be okay because the awful events occur outside and not inside. We do not have to live in fear; and we do not have to teach our children to live fearfully. We can give them advice, warnings and admonitions and social skills but more importantly, if a child is treated with respect and love and kindness, this will be part of his and her armor to face the scary and threatening place ‘out there’ with mean people and uncontrollable events and disasters. We can feed our children with healthy foods, and by example, respect the needs of the body. If you smoke, do not smoke in an enclosed area—I can remember how embarrassing it was for me to get out of the car and smell like an ashtray. Pay attention to how a child’s shoes and clothing fit and how teeth look and if your child squints; dental, eye and physical checkups may be unpleasant and costly, but they are necessary.

But most importantly, know your child. When you are about to make a point again, lower your voice and speak deliberately. Expect your children to respect you by voice intonation and actions—as you respect them by never resorting to name calling or humiliation or sarcasm as a disciplinarian tool. Speak your truth softly and it will be more effective than a slap in the face. We live in an imperfect world. But we have choices about how we live, and what we make of this world for our children. And their children. And on and on and on…

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Helping Children Feel Safer

Easing Kid Worries About Our Unpredictable World
By Dr. Michele Borba
MicheleBorba.com

Terrorism. ISIS. Bombings. Beheadings. War. School shootings. Pedophiles. Cyberbullying. Kidnappings. Global warming. Tsunamis. Earthquakes. Sexual abuse. It’s a scary world out there for us, but how do you think the kids are faring?

Let’s face it-we live in frightening, unpredictable times. But if you are feeling a bit jittery about violence, turbulent weather conditions, current events, or a troubled economy, imagine how our kids must feel. Talk of uncertain times permeates the world around them. Graphic television images of real disasters and terrifying events just reinforce their fears.

Think about it: this is the first generation of children who have watched broadcasts of war, terrorist attacks, natural disasters and school massacres in their own living rooms. Make no mistake: the image of the world as a mean and scary place is affecting our kids’ well-being. In fact, George Gerbner coined the term “Mean World Syndrome” describe a phenomenon when violence-related content in the mass media makes viewers believe that the world is more dangerous than it actually is. And that syndrome seems to be one that our kids are catching.

Read the entire article>>


How to Help Kids Feel Safe After TragedyBy Grace Hwang Lynch
PBS Parents

In the days and weeks following a high-profile tragedy, kids may have a lot of questions about whether something like this could happen to them. In fact, parents themselves may have a lot of worries about the safety of raising children in this world. It's normal for both adults and kids to feel anxious after such a publicly devastating event, but there are things you can do to minimize the stress and maintain a sense of normalcy.

Here are some tips from psychologists.

It's Normal to Be Concerned.
Youngsters who have heard or seen news reports about disturbing events may be reluctant to return to the classroom and other public spaces. Moms and dads may even feel anxious about dropping their kids off at day care or school, after hearing about tragedies that happen to children. "Parents are following instincts to be alarmed and to be fearful," says nationally certified school psychologist Eric Rossen, Ph.D. But Rossen stresses that we need to remember these are isolated incidents. "It's important to continue to remember that this is such a rare event, statistically and objectively speaking. It's hard to bear because it's so rare."

Read the entire article>>

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

A Penny in Time Chapter 4: I Do, Again (Part 2)


I didn't bother answering, for I'm sure he wouldn't have heard me anyway.  He carried one box into the house, all the way to my bedroom where I sat down at my desk and studiously began to ignore him.  He finally left, but I don't know how long he stayed in the living room talking with my Mom.
Mom came to my door and stood until I looked over at her.  "What happened, Dusty?"

"He let Sylvia paint my bed, dresser and replace all my stuff with cute pictures of kittens and calendars of kids with big eyes."  I took a pair of scissors and cut geometric shapes out of some construction paper.  "He doesn't listen to me, anymore.  It's like he's got this image of me and when I don't fit into his scenario, he gets mad at me, because I won't change.  He knows I don't like him calling me Princess or Elizabeth, but he does it anyway; so does Sylvia.  It's like when he met her, his brain went to mush and he forgot who I am, or got me confused with someone else I haven't met.  I don't want to be around him anymore, not at all.  He's not my father," I threw down the scissors and crumpled the paper into a big ball.  "He's an alien creature using my father's body.  He's not making any sense to me anymore.  I don't ever want to see him again!"

I was too mad to cry, too mad to do anything but sit and stare at the wall with my Star Trek™ calendar on it.  I was grateful my Mom left me alone for the rest of the evening, because I didn't want talk about it anymore.  What could she possibly understand about me and Dad?  She hadn't lost her father like I had my Dad.  She'd had the "perfect" childhood, according to Nana and Grandpa.  She and Nana took cooking classes together, and she and Grandpa went fishing, every opening day since Mom was five.  I know she still missed her Dad, she talks a lot about the fun times she had with him and how much she loved him and he loved her, sometimes choking on tears, but she lost Grandpa when he was old.  What did she know about not having a real, full-time Dad?  I listened to some tapes, and read for quite awhile before I fell asleep with all my clothes on.  I even forgot to brush my teeth.

The next day, Dad came over to the house.  "Dusty, can we talk about this?"  He sat down on the couch and waited for me to answer him.

"I talk but you don't hear me."  I twisted the hem of my shirt into a wad.  "Why did you let Sylvia paint my bedroom set, when we were going to do that together?  That's not my style, that fluffy stuff, and you know it.  Don't you?"

There was a long, long moment of silence.  I thought maybe he wasn't going to say anything.
"I, I...." he stammered, "I thought you'd outgrown all that other stuff, that you were more interested in being a young lady than a tomboy.  After all, you're fifteen, not eleven."

"That's what I mean, Dad.  You haven't heard me at all.  I'm me, the way I am.  You're not the same father that I had a year ago.  Have you forgotten I don't, and have never, liked pink?"
"Oh, honey, can't you see that Sylvia is trying to please you?  She worked so hard and you hurt her feelings when you left like that, not even a thank you."

"Dad!" I shouted, "I don't like pink!  And I want everyone to call me Dusty, until I'm ninety-nine and a half!"  My hands were shaking.  "And you had no right to lie to me about Victoria!  Why don't you just live your life and let me live mine, okay?"

"No, I'm not going to go away.  And you can't wish me away.  I admit I was a total jerk about Victoria, but I didn't know how to say I was.  Or to tell you I was sorry I disappointed you."  He came over to me and hugged me.  "Come on, spend the night with us.  Sylvia has a great dinner planned for us and we can get a DVD for later."

It was his way of apologizing, and he's the guy that's never wrong.  I felt bullied by two different feelings.  I didn't want to give in, but I didn't like being mad at him, either.  "Okay, but I'll bring my sleeping bag and sleep on the floor." I threw my sleeping bag into the trunk and watched it mushroom open as the bungee cord popped off.

He was irritated, but conceded.  "Maybe you'll like your room once you get used to it." He pulled into his parking slot, got out of the car and slammed the door.

I hugged the billowing sleeping bag close to my chest as I trailed behind him into the condo. Get used to it? I thought looking in the room.  Never.

But we all tried hard to be cheerful and I did have a good time, somewhat.  Sylvia didn't feel well, so we had take-out pizza.  She held my Dad's hand the whole time we watched "Star Trek V" and broke out in tears all the way through it, which annoyed me to no end.  It was only a movie, and why get so worked up when you know the good guys are going to make everything all right in the end?  Sylvia was just too sentimental to be real.

Which maybe explained why she was sick in bed with the flu the next weekend.  I called Slinky up and asked her to a movie, but she had a date with a new guy. Dean and Fran, and even Annie were doing volunteer community cleanup.  Mom offered to take me bowling, but that didn't appeal to me.
"How about," Mom sat on my bed, while I sat at my desk, sketching a drawing of the 'Enterprise', "doing a 'Star Trek' mural on this wall?"  She pointed to the wall which had some faded posters I had meant to take down anyway.  She got up and looked over my shoulder.  "You could draw the 'Enterprise' and I'll superimpose faces of the crew, with a background of the galaxy.  What do you say?"

"All right!"  I could see it so clearly, almost as if the wall were all ready done.  I pointed to the spot where the galaxy would go.  "The Sombrero galaxy is classified as "Sa", which means it's a galaxy with a large, central bulge, with spiral arms winding around its outside.  That's how it got the name.  It's really does look like a gigantic hat!"  Mom nodded, looking excited, too.  I grabbed her and gave her a big hug.  "You sure you have the time?"  I asked, but prayed that I hadn't reminded her of something else she should be doing instead.

"I have the time, Dusty.  Let's get to work."

She and I worked all day Saturday afternoon, until six that night.  It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, as I had to keep redrawing the starship to proportion on the wall.  It seemed Mom looked at a picture from the 'Star Trek' calendar, and reproduced the faces of Captain Picard's, Riker's, Data's and Counselor Troi's faces without any effort.

"I can't get it right!" I wailed, throwing down the sketching pencil I had been using.  "It's so easy for you!"

Mom stopped a moment and grinned.  "I've been doing this a lot longer than you have.  And you'll get it," she stood back and examined the wall.  "I'd say you almost have it.  We'll finish tomorrow."
Which we did after our pancake brunch.  The mural was the neatest thing I'd ever seen, and to think I did a fair share of the work!  Sitting in my room made it seem like I was in the center of the starship, and I could imagine voyaging across the Sombrero galaxy to unknown worlds of adventure.

At three o'clock on Sunday, Dad called.

"Hi, babe!  I have to tell you something, something real important."

He had that nervous pitch to his voice, which meant I wasn't going to like what he had to say.  "I'm listening."

He took a big breath, then plunged in.  "We've wanted to tell you for a couple of weeks, but the right time never seemed to come up.  I'll just say it straight.  Sylvia's going to have a little baby girl."

The puzzle pieces fell into place!  Sylvia's "flu"--and that's why she had fixed up my room the way she wanted it to look--for her kid!  "I hope the three of you are happy!" I snarled.

"Don't get nasty, young lady.  We're all going to have a major adjustment and I'm counting on you to be mature about this."

The pocket full of lies and hurt burst, and I was through with stuffing it all in.  "You've got your new life, why don't you just leave me alone?" I shouted, dropping the phone.

I stormed out of the house.  I jogged up the street, then fast-walked until I could breathe without hiccupping.  Two hours and ten minutes later, I came home.  When I opened the front door, Mom looked up from her book.

"How are you?"  She closed the book on her finger, and waited for my reply.

"I'm okay, I guess."

"Your father dropped by and left you a note.  I put it on your desk."

"I saw his car."

"We had a long talk.  About you."  She slipped a book marker in between pages and set the book on the coffee table.  "Come sit a moment and hear me out."

Geez, this was strange, like I was her guest invited for afternoon tea.  She didn't say a thing about me flying out of the house and staying gone, although I had sat across the street in the park for the last forty-five minutes.  I suppose she could have seen me if she'd looked out the window.

I expected a lecture, and I guess I should have felt gratified that I was going to get one.

"It must seem like your father only considers his viewpoint, that the changes our divorce put you through didn't hurt.  Am I right?"

I shrugged, but the words had hit a sore spot right in the middle of my heart.  "Yeah."

I didn't want to change things anymore, not for the better or back to the way they were.  I just wanted my life free of my Dad and Sylvia.  "I don't care if I ever see Dad again.  I don't like him."  I took a tissue and shredded it, then balled it up.  "He doesn't care what I want, and how many times do I have say I don't like the color pink? I doubt he thought about me at all, because pink is for babies, right?  Besides, he'll get along fine with another kid, won't he?  And I'm not going to babysit for them.  Ever." 

Mom chuckled!  "I don't know that I blame you."  I focused on her moving lips.  "He wants you to like Sylvia, so he wants you to be like him, or at least agree with him."  She left a pause, working her tongue across her lower lip.  "Loving your father is not the same as liking him; and liking him is not the same as getting along with him, is it?"

"No," I blurted, willing to talk things out with her.

"Dusty, there's something I'm going to tell you about my father that made me face some of the very feelings you're having now."  She stopped for a moment and I could see by the frown lines between her eyes that she was having a hard time choosing the right words.  "Like loving your father and thinking he would always be there for you, then he isn't.  Saying he'll do something special with you, then leaving you high and dry, making excuses for all the many broken promises."  She laughed, like you do when you feel like crying.

"Daddy had a gambling problem."  Mom looked at me and I saw her lip tremble.  "He lost a lot of money at the race track.  A lot of money."  She swept the air with her hands, as if erasing everything in front of her.  "There was no money for my senior prom dress, no promised car, no college tuition."  She looked off into the distance, maybe seeing something beyond the window that no one else could.
"I hated him so much for taking everything away from me, for his selfishness and weakness.  I had to work two jobs to finish college and even though my mother went back to nursing, I helped pay some of the bills.  I couldn't understand why she stayed with him.  But she stayed with him through the bad years and the good years after he recovered in therapy."

Her voice was soft but urgent.  "It took me a long time, Dusty, a long time to forgive him."

Mom folded her legs beneath her and sat back.  "It also took me a long time to understand my mother's advice:  you have to accept the one you love, in spite of the bad, because of the good.  It wasn't until after you were born that my father and I talked things out.  Nothing happened overnight, either.  Things got better day by day, in little ways."  She leaned forward and although I sat too far away, I felt like she had hugged me.

It would have been nice if I could have gone over and comforted her with a hug, but I felt cast in lead on the outside, and a bag of pieces inside, trying to sort out everything.  Boy, Grandpa really must have changed.  He always had some little surprise, or something that made us laugh when he came to visit.

Maybe Mom did understand how I felt, but I still didn't see how I could work it out with my Dad.  "Dad and I are not like we used to be, you know?  What am I supposed to do if I can't like the color pink?"

"I don't know, Dusty," Mom whispered.  "What color is love?"

I stood up, choking back my tears, grateful she understood so much, but feeling lost that she didn't have any answers either.  "I don't know and I don't think you or Dad know, either."

She picked up her book and settled back into her easy chair.  "Maybe you'll find the answer and tell us."  She began reading as I went back to my room and sat down at my desk, staring at my newly painted mural.

I wish I could be like Data, logical without emotions making everything so confusing.

I cuddled my raggedy stuffed bear, Sparky as I looked at the envelope my Dad had propped against an old notebook.  I batted the envelope, upsetting the notebook which burped papers all over.  I got a paper cut across my thumb that bled and bled, until I put a bandage on it.  After awhile, I fished out the envelope from the mess of papers and opened it.

Out fell five pennies with his note:  "Dusty, let's talk.  I'll try to make sense out of things."

It was just like my Dad to use a stupid pun.  I scooped up the pennies and Sparky, pressing my face into his soft belly.  A fierce and terrible pain sucked the breath from me.  There was a huge, black hole inside of me.  I was falling, falling into an abyss. Away, away, down down, down.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Forcing the Hand of God: Chapter 23 (part 1)

Rodger finished lowering the kitchen cabinets in Ada’s kitchen Friday morning. Adele left him on the porch with Ada as she fed Jonelle in the back bedroom.

Ada wiped her hands across her thighs. “I’ve so enjoyed this time with Adele and the baby. You—-you’ve been busy. Like a carpenter wasp.”

His laughter exploded from his throat. “And I’m surrounded by queens.”

Ada reproved him with a sharp glance. “That’s not what I meant.” She tapped her glass with a finger. “Is it the upcoming fight?”

“No.” He cocked his head, amused by her interrogation. “I’ll pull it off.”

Ada pushed away from the table and went inside, bringing back a box tied with a satin ribbon. She handed it to him.

He jerked the ribbon off, tossing it onto the ground. As the lid slid off, he sucked in his breath as he stared at the black silk boxing trunks with white satin insets at the legs. He swallowed, meeting Ada’s penetrating eyes.

“I thought these would go nicely with your robe,” she said softly.

“Thanks,” he said, setting the bottom inside the lid, “I didn’t expect this. I bought the silk for you.”

“Yes, I know, but I wanted to do this for you,” Ada smiled. “Does the shoulder hurt at all?”

“Not a bit.” Rodger motioned to Adele as she came out the back door. “Look, honey.” He took the trunks out of the box.

“I know,” Adele winked at him. “I helped.” Both women chuckled. Adele leaned over his shoulder, close to his ear. “We did it all behind your back, and,” she tweaked his nose, “underneath your very nose.”

He stood, pushing his shoulder blades into one another.

“I’m outnumbered.” He caught Adele exchanging a quick glance with Ada. “You two just think you’ve outsmarted me.” He flexed his arms.

Adele’s face wrinkled in concern, but Ada stood abruptly, stopping Adele from saying anything. Rodger stood and held the door open for them. He walked back and picked up his boxing trunks and stuffed them carefully into his gear bag. Ada’s kitten attacked him from underneath the chair by the door. Rodger swatted at it.

“Pest!” he growled as it scrambled to the far side of the room.

Ada bent down and swept it up with one hand.

“Poor, Kid,” she soothed. “I thought you’d like him, Rodger.”

He waved impatiently at them; then, seeing he had wounded Ada, changed course.

“Oh, I do, kind of,” he tried to smile, hoping to ease the pinched look from Ada’s face. “I don’t like surprise attacks, is all.”

Ada grinned. “He’s friendly.” She put him down on the floor. “So sure that no one will harm him.”

Rodger rubbed his hand along his jawbone. “That cat reminds me of the Night Wolf. This crazy Jap raids the American air bases at night. All by himself. Does a fair amount of damage, too. You know what’s funny?” He looked fixedly at Ada. “Not one of us guys can get him. Out-maneuvers every single damn one of us.”

Adele closed in beside him. His neck tingled, like telegraph wires were connected to them, vibrating. He knew she tapped into his secrets. But he’d choose the time, a good time, to tell her.

“Wish me luck, my ladies.” He opened his arms to embrace Adele. “In a couple of hours, I’ll find out what I’m made of.”

Adele ground her cheek against his chest.

“Good luck, good knight,” she whispered.

Ada crossed her fingers and held them up.

“We’ll be thinking of the victory knock‑out.”

“I’ll be home in time for Captain Midnight,” he said as the door slammed shut behind him.

He walked along the familiar route conscious of the prickling heat and streams of voices around him. He nodded back to those who called after him. He swung his bag in time with his step and whistled an airman’s tune.

Wary faces turned on him as he strode through the gym to the locker room. The lanky Negro boy shuffled his feet as Rodger tossed his gear into the locker. He paused, waiting for the boy to look up.
“Something on your mind?”

The boy’s head snapped up and his eyes riveted on Rodger’s, his voice a husky whisper. “Lots a money comin’ down on this here fight.” Rodger shrugged, narrowing his eyes at the boy. “Don’t have nobody tending ya. I’d do it.”

Rodger studied the well‑formed muscles of the boy’s arms and shoulders.

“Sure. Earn yourself a cut of the winnings.”

“No, mister,” the boy put up a large, flat palm, and spoke fervently. “Don’ want no money. Jus’ you win.” His eyes burned.

To hide his surprise, Rodger bent down and laced his one shoe, then the other.

“Gonna do that, son.” He straightened. “Let’s work out. What’s your name?”

“Theys call me Li’l Les. Name’s Lester.”

Lester tossed Rodger a jump rope. He began a slow, easy hip-hop from side to side.

“Lester,” Rodger picked up his tempo, “you and me will be a winning team.” Not missing a beat, he whipped the rope faster and faster, wondering as he put his body through the routine paces, what Lester really wanted from him. The boy anticipated his needs, staying out of the way until he was needed. Rodger silently tallied the winning take. He knew the crowd had backed his opponent. A couple of hundred bucks, at least. More, maybe three hundred, on the second fight.

Shorty bounded into the room, waving his arms.

“Rodger! In the ring!”

Rodger flung aside the jump rope, pulled off the lightweight gloves and dropped them on the floor. Lester sat in his corner, dangling the regulation gloves in front of him as if exhibiting some kind of a trophy. Rodger snaked through the ropes and stood before Lester as he worked the laces tight on each glove. The crowd bunched around the young man in blue trunks, Reb’s friend. Rodger sized him up. A knockout in the first round. Big Red had schooled him on guys that came into the ring like bulls. Determined. All set for a kill. Easily killed.

The air crackled with alien voices. Rodger scanned the tops of the heads. He knew no one. Lester took his position behind the corner post. The voices blended to a drone.

The smell of his own sweat stung his nose. He clicked his mouthpiece into place. He felt sharp, ready. Energy coursed through his arms and buoyed his legs.

The bell clanged. He jumped up. His opponent in blue satin trunks with black initials “C T” on the left leg came bobbing into the center like a rubber toy.

Rodger slowed his step, teasing the man into a dance. C T swung wild, and Rodger stepped lightly away from the flying fist. He waited. CT came into his quarter circle.

Rodger cut him down.

The crowd was stunned into silence. Then the buzz swelled into a roar, crying victory for the next man, Reb. Lester offered Rodger the water jug and spit tube. His quick motions were efficient, yet oddly deferential.

Lester leaned and whispered in his ear, “Don’ like it quick, do they?”

Rodger shook his head, watching Reb getting laced up in his gloves. About the same build as he, maybe a pound or two heavier. Reb’s olive skin glistened with sweat; hard muscles rippled as he flexed his arms. He casually swiveled his head, giving Rodger a hard, brief once‑over.

“They want their money’s worth,” Rodger patted Lester on the shoulder. “I’ll give ’em what they want.”

He sucked his mouthpiece into place and waited for the bell. Reb stared him down. Rodger leaned forward, not blinking. Reb blinked, bobbing up as the bell jangled. Rodger was on the balls of his feet and swaying as Reb came at him.

They sparred. Reb was not so easily led as his friend, a better match for Rodger. Rodger pulled away from an uppercut. He nicked Reb’s jaw. Reb came in for him from the left. Rodger blocked. This man knew about dancing, too.

After the second round, Lester scolded, “Keep inside of ‘im. Don’ let ‘im come into your right.”

Third round. Shorty, commanding as a referee, bounded out of the ring. Rodger eyed the surly throng that lined the outside of the ring. Money poked up from fists, waved about like banners.

The bell. He leaped into the center of the ring. Reb charged him. Too late, he saw the gloved hand coming at him. He took the blow on his ear. The pain surprised him, giving Reb the edge. Rodger took another blow in the gut.

“Come on, old man, come and get me,” sneered Reb.

Maddened, Rodger lunged at his smirking opponent. He fended a blow to his left. Then his head cleared, and he knew the game Reb played.

Rodger dropped away from him, taking a sting on the shoulder. Reb closed in. Rodger bored down on top of him. One-two, one-two, one-two, three.

It was over.

Rodger looked down at the astonished face of Shorty. He smiled.

“Pay day,” he said. He turned and walked to his corner where Lester rubbed his aching shoulders and toweled him down.

He relished the cold of the metal post against his spine. Lester’s face was split by the white of his smile. Rodger tilted his head back and spoke wearily, “Just bill me as the ‘Bloodless Wonder.’ Madison Square Garden.”

Lester nodded in happy agreement. His hands worked deeper into the aching of his flesh. Reb and his friend were gone, out of sight of the crowd that had roared just a few minutes ago for their victory, now the men and women muttered angrily as their money changed hands.

Rodger shrugged off Lester. He took the towel and patted his face. His ear burned. His eye had already filmed over. The bodies crowding around the ring swayed back and forth. He inhaled deeply, breathing out hard. He climbed out of the ring and headed for the showers.

Lester trailed behind him. Voices trumpeted, and Rodger heard his name. He ducked into the stall and twisted the faucets on hard. Hot water pelted him, and he closed his eyes as a cloud of steam engulfed him. He drifted, then hearing voices, he lathered quickly and rinsed, stepping out, greeted by a towel thrust from Lester’s hand.

“Shorty’s got somethin’ for ya,” Lester gloated. “Man, oh, man, ya took in some winnings.”

Rodger dried off, careful of the tender spots. He felt his left eye begin to swell, and as he surreptitiously peeked into the mirror, he noted a bruise on his cheek. He dressed. Lester dogged his footsteps until he spun around and spoke to him “Listen, go tell Shorty I sent you to pick up my cut.” As Lester nodded and sprinted away to the main gym, Rodger ducked out the back door. He looked to his left, then his right, up the street and down, just in case Reb and his friend were waiting for him. It might have been a fair fight, but there are no honest losers.

As he came to the corner, his eyes strained to catch any movements in the shadows, and his ears prickled at the sounds of voices behind him. He strolled along, scanning to the right and left of him all of the way to his mother’s house.

The women bunched in the kitchen, not aware that he had come in the front door. He rattled his duffle bag, throwing it against the wall as he approached the kitchen. His Aunt Carrie screeched at the sight of him. Madeline turned from the sink and eyed him severely.

“Such savagery, Rodger.” She gripped the counter’s edge. “I’d thought you’d have outgrown this nonsense.” She wiped her hands on a green towel and motioned them into the living room.


Adele stepped away from his mother and aunt and ducked into the downstairs den where Jonelle slept. He rubbed his forehead.

“Not as bad as it looks.”

“You’ll be the death of your poor mother,” Carrie flung herself into a plump, upholstered chair. “Not to mention your wife.”

Adele laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Sit a spell. I sneaked a cold beer from home. Rode at the baby’s feet.” She placed the bottle into his hands. Then, cupping her hands over his around the bottle, she pressed them gently against his cheek. “To the victor belong the spoils.”

Painfully, his eyebrows shot up in surprise. “How do you know some things before I tell you?”

Adele kissed him on his good ear. “Intuition.” She straightened, stepping away from the couch. “A lady always knows her knight and, like a good book, knows how to read him.”

Rodger caught her hand and held it, pulling her close again so that he could whisper in her ear. “I’m a good read in bed, too.”

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

THUG

Thug. I have met you before; you are a killer and a thief.  You have my friend hostage, yet you will not take any ransom. You do not want my diamonds, rubies, sapphires or gold, not my car keys, my house, or anything of value. You have a stranglehold on her and only want her life, little by little, day by day.  I want you arrested and executed, and pray that chemotherapy will do just that.

Cancer.  It is a common and deadly genetic disease.  There is no positive spin on this. The statistics for breast cancer are scary. These are just a few from the website of BreastCancer.org:

About 1 in 8 women in the United States will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer.
In 2016, there are more than 2.8 million women with a history of breast cancer in the U.S. This includes women currently being treated and women who have finished treatment.
The most significant risk factors for breast cancer are gender (being a woman) and age (growing older).

The website, Susan G. Komen (ww5.komen.org) states that 1.7 million new cases of cancer were diagnosed in 2012 worldwide. That means if you are a woman, you will undoubtedly have cancer or know someone who does.

If, like me, you have gone through the challenges of chemotherapy with someone you love, you know the heartbreak watching the effects and the feeling of being powerless to do anything to help.

There is an adapted excerpt from Grief Is a Journey, by Kenneth J Doka, Phd., on the Huffingtonpost.com website titled “The 3 Kinds of Grief Nobody Talks About”. It is well worth the read.  I especially resonated with the second one, "The Loss of a Person We Haven’t Yet Lost", and its most profound statement about “Anticipatory grief”, the sense of loss and grieving for a loved one diagnosed with a life-threatening disease. It is not just one loss, but multiple losses you experience as you lose a loved one, and grieve for each loss.

The worst of all for me, I do not want the one going through her ordeal to comfort me, make me feel better about this horrifying situation that is her reality, not mine.  So, I offer conversation as a diversion and leave room between words for deeper dialogue. I have learned that I cannot alter the course of cancer, though I have researched the scientific and New Age alternative approaches to cancer and tendered possible solutions, the maybe of hope, the if only…

I have learned from my friends to let it go; that just being there is sometimes all they want, a gab-fest or maybe have me do a physical chore that they no longer can do for themselves. I have learned to take this time as another gift of friendship. I have learned that memories are painful but comforting, that one does not forget a loved one.

I have learned that the best I can do is what I can do:  get a yearly mammogram and skin check-up and physical exam; cut down on the carbohydrates, eat more vegetables and fruit, exercise regularly, and wear sunscreen. And donate to cancer research.