Building Resiliency in Yourself and Others

“Highly resilient people are flexible, adapt to new circumstances quickly, and thrive in constant change. Most important, they expect to bounce back and feel confident that they will. They have a knack for creating good luck out of circumstances that many others see as bad luck.” - Al Siebert, PhD, author of The Resiliency Advantage

Our first article is a great introduction to building resiliency in yourself and your children. From "Pump up your Positivity" to "Hang on to Humor", the 5 methods to build resiliency are specific and helpful. I especially like the anecdotal stories and specific book recommendations.

The 5 Best Ways to Build Resiliency
by Jessie Sholl, ExperienceLife.com

"Why do some people bounce back from adversity and misfortune? Why do others fall apart? Find out which character strengths make all the difference — and how you can develop them yourself.

Victoria Ruvolo was driving home from a niece’s piano recital one wintery evening in 2004 when a large object smashed through her windshield, hitting with such force that it broke every bone in her face. The object turned out to be a frozen turkey. The thrower: a teenage boy named Ryan Cushing, out for a joyride with friends in a stolen car. Ruvolo’s passenger managed to grab the steering wheel, push Ruvolo’s foot off the gas pedal and steer them onto the shoulder. After being rushed to the hospital, Ruvolo remained in an induced coma for two weeks." 

Read the entire article>>

Our next article digs deeper into the study of resiliency with one of the leading researchers in the field. Nan Henderson is the developer of the "Resiliency Wheel", a visual representation of the 6 elements in a person's environment that can support and build resiliency (read the article to learn more).

Hard-Wired to Bounce Back
by Nan Henderson, M.S.W., author of Resiliency in Action: Practical Ideas for Overcoming Risks and Building Strengths in Youth, Families, and Communities

"Researchers are documenting an innate “self-righting tendency” that exists in everyone. How can you use their findings to help yourself and help others be more resilient?

Can individuals learn to be more resilient, or are some just born with the ability to bounce back from adversity?  Both, according to researchers, whose work suggests that human beings are born with an innate self-righting ability, which can be helped or hindered. Their findings are fueling a major shift in thinking about human development: from  obsessing about problems and weaknesses to recognizing “the power of the positive”–identifying and building individual and environmental strengths that help people to overcome difficulties, achieve happiness, and attain life success.

After 15 years of  studying and reflecting upon the myriad studies on human resiliency, dialoguing with thousands of people of all ages about the topic, and writing extensively about resiliency, I have come to believe that individuals are hard-wired to bounce back from adversity.  I also believe everyone can expand this innate capacity for resiliency within themselves and others. People bounce back in two ways: they draw upon their own internal resources, and they encounter people, organizations, and activities that provide them with the conditions that help the emergence of their resilience.  Psychologists call these internal and external conditions “protective factors” and conclude, “these buffers” are more powerful in a person’s life than risks or traumas or stress.  They fuel the movement towards healthy development."

Read the entire article>>

Just "Shake It Off"

I think it's fantastic when popular songs include positive messages! In one of Taylor Swift's latest songs, "Shake It Off", I see positive messages like "be yourself", "your talents are valuable, too", "ignore the negative comments of others", "you can feel good without making others feel bad", and more. 


Here's an interesting article I found with suggestions for how to talk to your kids about the messages of this song.

5 Surprising Lessons in Taylor Swift ‘Shake it Off’ Video
by Sarah Mills, LearningLiftoff.com

While you and your children may love to sing and dance to Taylor Swift songs, you probably never considered that kids younger than dating age might learn something from the lyrics. But that just might be the case when you listen to and watch her latest release, Shake it Off.

After showcasing several talented artists displaying their particular brand of dance, the end of the Taylor Swift Shake it Off video features a group of seemingly everyday people busting out their own unique moves. Swift and the video’s director, Mark Romanek, reportedly opted to highlight other artists to illustrate that you don’t have to put others down when building yourself up. Everybody has different talents, and showcasing talent can be a collaboration.

Read the entire article>>

Help Your Sensitive Boy Become a Confident Man

“The Strong, Sensitive Boy offers practical advice and innovative solutions for parents, teachers, and anyone working with sensitive boys. I highly recommend it.” –Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys and The Minds of Boys

Dr. Ted Zeff's book The Strong Sensitive Boy: Help Your Son Become a Happy, Confident Man is a valuable resource for parents, teachers, coaches and family members of boys who are highly sensitive to feelings, sounds, lights, tastes, etc., and not as interested in roughhousing or violent movies and games.

Dr. Zeff helps you learn how to respect the sensitivity and support your highly sensitive son so that he understands who he is and chooses to be true to himself and not feel pressured by our society's standard definitions of masculinity. It's no secret that our culture has a specific belief about what behavior is acceptable for boys: repress emotions, act tough, show you are strong, anger and violence are normal reactions.

A combination of research and anecdotal information, The Strong Sensitive Boy includes stories from highly sensitive men who were bullied by parents, teachers, and other children. The stories are deeply moving and powerful. The book features a helpful list of resources and suggested readings but my favorite parts were the specific examples on how to handle sports, school environment, sharing this information with a teacher, helping your son make friends, and disciplining with gentleness. I also appreciated the special chapter for dads who are raising sensitive boys that talks about how to understand how the dad's own beliefs about being a man may not be serving the needs of his son.

If your son is old enough, I recommend that you read this book with him so that he can better understand himself and see high-sensitivity as a gift and not a curse. Sensitive boys and men are strong and in touch with their emotions. Other common traits of sensitive men include creativity, strong values, compassion, and intuition, not to mention good communication skills and empathy. As parents, teachers, and those who want the best for a sensitive boy, we can work harder to nurture his character and individuality to encourage more self-confidence and higher self-esteem.

Resources:
Read more at Dr. Ted Zeff's website>>
Buy the book on Amazon>>
Questionnaire to determine if your child is highly sensitive: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test_child.htm

Expert Advice on Parenting a Sensitive Boy

Parenting the Highly Sensitive Boy
by Rebecca Eanes, parenting advocate
"As I said, I began to realize my own son's sensitivity when he was a toddler. He would easily startle, hate surprises, not want to be in crowds (no big birthday parties, and please do not sing to him!), and was sensitive to noise. He had a slight aversion to scratchy material and tags and was (and is!) a picky eater. I didn't realize then that perhaps the textures of some foods bothered him." Read the entire article>>

The Highly Sensitive Boy: Does your son cry often?
by Maureen D. Healy, author of Growing Happy Kids: How to Foster Inner Confidence, Success and Happiness, via PsychologyToday.com
"Does your boy cry often? Has he ever been bullied? Does he enjoy his time alone and quiet space? Is he deeply affected by violence? Or keenly perceptive to how you are feeling or thinking? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be raising a highly sensitive boy. Highly sensitive boys come with deep talents but can be "trying" if you seek to raise them in the regular way." Read the entire article>>

When Your Sensitive Boy is Being Bullied

Are you the parent or friend of a sensitive boy, a boy who may not enjoy the rough-housing, boisterous activities other boys seem to enjoy? With their reactions to crowds and noisy situations, keen awareness of what others are feeling, and lack of interest in sports or violent activities, sensitive boys may be easy targets for bullies. But, they don't have to be. Dr. Ted Zeff is a nationally-recognized expert on sensitive boys and shares some key tips for helping your boy not be a victim of a bully.

 Five Strategies to Prevent
your Sensitive Son from Being Bullied
by Dr. Ted Zeff, author of The Strong, Sensitive Boy
"Did you know that 20 percent of the population has a sensitive nervous system and the trait is equally divided between males and females? Therefore, 20 percent of all males are sensitive, or one out of every five boys has a finely tuned nervous system. A highly sensitive boy (HSB) can be easily overwhelmed by noise and crowds, fearful of new situations and shy away from aggressive interactions. He generally reacts more deeply and exhibits more emotional sensitivity than the non-sensitive boy which unfortunately could result in being bullied.

According to the National Association of School Psychologists, 160,000 children miss school every day in the United States for fear of being bullied and more than 50 suicides have been linked to prolonged bullying. School-related bullying has led to depression and poor school performance in many children.

Although research has shown that infant boys are more emotionally reactive than infant girls, by the time boys reach the age of five, they have usually learned to repress every emotion except anger. Societal values emphasize that males should be aggressive, thick-skinned, and emotionally self-controlled, which is the opposite of a sensitive boy. When boys don't conform to the "boy code" and instead show their gentleness and emotions, they are often ostracized and humiliated.

Bullies tend to target kids who seem different from others. Since the 80 percent of non-HSBs are hardwired neurologically to behave in a different manner than the 20 percent of HSBs, many sensitive boys do not fit in with the vast majority of boys and risk being bullied. Bullies also target kids who don't fight back and who react deeply to teasing. Research shows that 85 percent of HSBs avoided fighting and most sensitive boys become more emotionally upset from bullying than other boys.
 Read the entire article>>