Showing posts with label praise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label praise. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

That's Just Bad

I would like to take an opportunity at the beginning of the New Year 2017 to give shout outs to the media and the articles about our children, the brave and intrepid children of these articles, who are our future and will make a difference in our lives, our communities, and the world. Their voices, their actions, their dreams are so important right now to have exposure, a forum, an ear of everyone who can listen, have an open mind, and a willing heart for some real changes.

Thank you Jerry Large, columnist for the Seattle Times, for your article on “Bully Busters Take on Rude Pols” (December 19, 2016). You highlighted the bully issues that girls face everyday. Emma Coopersmith, Lilah Aman-Lucas, and Lola Hurst saw the big picture of the political campaigning and nailed what is wrong. They have started their anti-bullying campaign because of “that awful stuff that was said during the election about women and their bodies and their capabilities.”  These eleven year old girls have a voice, have pens and know how to use them.

“Three sixth-grade girls heard mean comments during the recent presidential campaign that made them think politicians could use lessons in good behavior, so they’re doing some teaching. They created a campaign called D.C. Bully Busters, which encourages kids to send letters to political leaders in Washington, D.C., schooling them on how to deal with bullying. The girls also are reminding the rest of us that we can meet negative stuff with positive action.” - Jerry Lange

Another loud, proud shout out to the January 2017 National Geographic, Special Issue, GENDER Revolution, that is dedicated to global issues relating to gender, focusing on the young people in different parts of our world, and how societies deal with sexual orientation, especially redefining the very term “gender”. As if this is not confusing enough for most of us, there are now twenty-one definitions in one article on redefining gender "A Portrait of Gender Today": Agender, Androgynous, Cisgender, Gender binary, Gender conforming, Gender dysphoria, Gender expression, Genderfluid, Gender Identity, Gender marker, Gender nonconforming, Genderqueer, Intersex, LGBTQ, Nonbinary, Pronouns, Puberty suppression, Queer, Sexual Orientation, Transgender and Transsexual

The entire special issue is a beautifully done and vital edition which gives credence to those who are marginalized in all parts of the world. What we are finally acknowledging is the need to embrace all our differences. The power struggles will never end, for there will always be bullies and demagogues that make it a challenge to exist true to oneself and not as part of a herd, or ideology that suits only a narrow spectrum. These nine-year-old children across the globe comment on how their lives are, will be, and should be; it is not often pretty, but strikingly honest and sometimes, hopeful.  Much has changed, but not enough. The last paragraph on page 33 sums it up succinctly: “The aspiration mentioned most often, across the lines of geography and gender, was summed up by Avery Jackson. If the world were hers to change, she said, there would be ‘no bullying. Because that’s just bad.’”

Nine year olds and eleven year olds leading the way out of the darkness. We as a nation, and as individuals, have had a long, arduous journey through the political wasteland of an election year. Your party affiliation does not matter, finger pointing and complaining about the process is futile; what we must do is put together the strewn pieces of the puzzle to make a whole picture of our government, of our nationality and lives, once again. That is what we do as Americans in a representative government--we roll up our sleeves and get to work. We put on our walking shoes and march, we put pen to paper and publish opinions, we take an active part and use our voice for change, our time, money and skills in our participation in the governing process.

It is a right of a democratic society to vocalize and mobilize in our communities, in meetings, through the media and demonstrations. Let us never forget our rights or cede our rights to voice our opinions and demand to be heard. Let us not succumb to the bullies, either in our politics or schools, work places, homes or relationships. Let all of us strive to be a change for equality and gender recognition, making it safe for children and adults to live their lives without fear of physical, emotional or mental cruelty. We can make positive changes, and we must be bigger than our petty selves and validate our humanity. We must do so for the children. Emma Coopersmith, Lilah Aman-Lucas, and Lola Hurst, the Bully Busters, and Avery Jackson, a representative voice of children globally, got it right.  And that’s just good.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Pay Attention!

Pay attention! Jennifer Adams has a powerful voice and she knows how to use it. She has a lot to say about bullying. During an interview with Jennifer, she and I covered multiple issues that had to to do with her disabilities; she was born without limbs. No hands, no feet, but a beautiful voice that she uses as a professional singer, motivational speaker and as an advocate for those with disabilities. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and a minor in Vocal Performance from Pacific Lutheran University, followed by a Master of Arts in Counseling from Faith Evangelical Seminary, along with a Certification in Applied Technology in Radio Broadcasting. She has been a working woman in the fields of Tele-communications, Radio Broadcasting, Public Speaking and Education. She has published two books, Discover Your Identity and Dreams Come True! And she won the title of Ms. Wheelchair America 2014.

While friends and family may forget about Jennifer’s disabilities, a lot of people are discomfited by her, for many reasons. As a child, Jennifer was bullied unmercifully in school, which demoralized her and plummeted her into depression. We discussed what makes a few people, especially children, behave so meanly towards her and others with disabilities. It is her “otherness”, not like a “normal” person. It is ignorance, a lack of social skill on what to expect from a disabled person, and how to respond to someone with limited capabilities. If you do not look like me, then you are in another category, one of “them” not one of “us”. 

Another facet of the “otherness” that makes people uncomfortable, is if a disabled person is more accomplished than I am, what does that say about me? Most adults lack experience with disabilities and find it embarrassing to be around someone who has obvious needs, but what are you supposed to do for that person? When I think I am being compassionate and helpful, am I being patronizing? What can I expect a disabled person to do for himself or herself? There is an element of superiority in an attitude of "helping" someone too much, to the point of disrespecting the disabled person by not acknowledging the person as someone who can think, act, and be valued as a person, just like you.

Jennifer is not to be pitied. It is not necessary to treat her like a child because of her limitations. Upon first meeting her, there is an alarming moment when you see her as vulnerable—"she needs help!"—but after only a few minutes being with her, you think “Wow! she isn’t crippled! She can do a lot for herself!” It is evident that she is very capable and independent, but recognizes that she did not get "here" without help from family, friends and strangers. There is the problem of mechanics, getting from point A to point B, all the physical barriers that do not present problems for most people. On a daily basis, it is the small kindnesses of those she interacts with; opening a door, making extra room for her wheelchair, reaching for that hard-to-get-to item, holding the elevator for her entrance, the small niceties that people do for each other. And in doing these things for another, one’s humanness is respected, rather than another’s "otherness". We are “pack animals”, with tribes, clans and families, all interdependent upon one another on a daily basis, all of our lives.

Jennifer would like to put you at ease with her disabilities, so that you can appreciate her, and those with disabilities, as persons deserving respect and acceptance. Jennifer is a strong, confident woman who has challenges, but also someone with a sublime voice that has a message for all of us. Be inspired by Jennifer Adams at www.jenniferlynnadams.com. 

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Author Spotlight: Trudy Ludwig

Trudy Ludwig is the award-winning author of a number of books for young children including The Invisible Boy, Better Than You, Confessions of a Former Bully, and My Secret Bully. Her focus is on helping young children navigate the social world of friendships, teasing, and bullying. Her first book, My Secret Bully, was inspired by the experiences of helping her own daughter deal with bullying from her friends. All of Ludwig's books are wonderful jumping-off points for conversations with kids about their own social interactions and experiences.

My Secret Bully 
"Here is the all-too-familiar story of Monica. She and Katie have been friends since kindergarten. Monica loves being around her when she's nice. But there are times when Katie can be just plain mean. And Monica doesn't understand why. Monica is a target of relational aggression, emotional bullying among friends who will use name-calling and manipulation to humiliate and exclude. But with a little help from a supportive adult—her mother—Monica learns to cope and thrive by facing her fears and reclaiming power from her bully."

The Invisible Boy 
"Meet Brian, the invisible boy. Nobody ever seems to notice him or think to include him in their group, game, or birthday party . . . until, that is, a new kid comes to class. When Justin, the new boy, arrives, Brian is the first to make him feel welcome. And when Brian and Justin team up to work on a class project together, Brian finds a way to shine...This gentle story shows how small acts of kindness can help children feel included and allow them to flourish. Any parent, teacher, or counselor looking for material that sensitively addresses the needs of quieter children will find The Invisible Boy a valuable and important resource."

Confessions of a Former Bully 
"Ten-year-old Katie finds herself where no child wants to be, in the principal’s office with both her parents. Caught bullying a friend on the school playground, she must meet with the school counselor once a week and figure out how to atone for her actions. As Katie learns more about herself and her options, she keeps a diary-like notebook of reflections and advice as well as facts about physical, emotional, and cyberbullying; why people bully others; and what tools kids can use when they experience or witness bullying."


Just Kidding! 
"D.J.'s friend Vince has a habit of teasing D.J. and then saying, 'Just kidding!' as if it will make everything okay. It doesn't, but D.J. is afraid that if he protests, his friends will think he can't take a joke. With the help of his father, brother, and an understanding teacher, D.J. progresses from feeling helpless to taking positive action, undermining the power of two seemingly harmless words."

Trouble Talk 
"Maya's friend Bailey loves to talk about everything and everyone. At first, Maya thinks Bailey is funny. But when Bailey's talk leads to harmful rumors and hurt feelings, Maya begins to think twice about their friendship... Includes additional resources for kids, parents, and teachers, as well as advice from Trudy about how to combat trouble talk."

Listen to Trudy Ludwig Chat About Her Work 
In this short podcast chat for parents of children in grades K - 5, Ludwig talks her book Confessions of a Former Bully and shares her Totally Awesome Empower Tools, strategies kids can use to assertively deal with bullying. Listen to the podcast here>>
 
More About Trudy Ludwig and Her Books

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Preparing Children to Be Strong, Resilient Adults

"When we look at children today, we see them in the moment. We rarely picture a cute 5-year-old or a texting preteen as an adult. But we must prepare children to become healthy, productive, contributing 35-year-olds if their generation is to repair our world, and lead us into the future." - Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg

Book Review:
Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings
by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Dr. Ginsburg is a nationally-recognized expert on building resilience in children and teens. He's a pediatrician specializing in adolescents as well as a parent himself. His book is practical, easy-to-read, and  highly recommended by parents, parent groups, counselors, coaches, and doctors. Building Resilience is a handbook that you will regularly refer to throughout your child's life.

Learn how to help children from toddlers to teens build resilience, make their own mistakes, solve their own problems, and manage stress in their complicated lives. Building Resilience is full of anecdotes, specific advice and strategies, and example interactions to help you be a better listener and ask better questions to help your children think for themselves.  The book addresses topics including social media, school, peer pressure, and family issues. Other great features of this book: sections that pre-teens and teens can read themselves with worksheets on how to manage their own stress as well as a section for parents about building their own resiliency.

Dr. Ginsburg focuses on the "7 crucial Cs": competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, control. These range from praising effort rather than outcome to recognizing a minor inconvenience versus a true crisis. This is information that is sure to prove valuable in all your interactions with children or adults.

In the end, we all know that parenting is about one goal: providing an environment where children can grow into healthy, strong, self-sufficient adults who can solve problems and love/accept themselves. This book is an excellent resource for helping all of us achieve that goal.

Interested in hearing more from the author himself? 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Just "Shake It Off"

I think it's fantastic when popular songs include positive messages! In one of Taylor Swift's latest songs, "Shake It Off", I see positive messages like "be yourself", "your talents are valuable, too", "ignore the negative comments of others", "you can feel good without making others feel bad", and more. 


Here's an interesting article I found with suggestions for how to talk to your kids about the messages of this song.

5 Surprising Lessons in Taylor Swift ‘Shake it Off’ Video
by Sarah Mills, LearningLiftoff.com

While you and your children may love to sing and dance to Taylor Swift songs, you probably never considered that kids younger than dating age might learn something from the lyrics. But that just might be the case when you listen to and watch her latest release, Shake it Off.

After showcasing several talented artists displaying their particular brand of dance, the end of the Taylor Swift Shake it Off video features a group of seemingly everyday people busting out their own unique moves. Swift and the video’s director, Mark Romanek, reportedly opted to highlight other artists to illustrate that you don’t have to put others down when building yourself up. Everybody has different talents, and showcasing talent can be a collaboration.

Read the entire article>>

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Consequences

con·se·quence ˈkänsikwəns,-ˌkwens/ noun: consequence; plural noun: consequences     1. a result or effect of an action or condition.    

For every action there is a reaction. It is a basic concept that usually comes with a hard lesson learned. One young teenage girl learned this the hard way when her response to intimidation and bullying on Facebook by her peers resulted in her parents confiscating her phone and putting her on restriction.

“No fair,” she protested, “I was the victim!” “But,” her parents responded, “your language was inappropriate. You should have told us and let us handle it in the right way.”    

Her parents took the information for a conference with the principal. The bullies were suspended from school for that incident and others. The parents told their daughter that she could “earn” back the privilege of having her phone by doing an unasked good deed and her chores without being nagged for a point a day, one hundred days.    

This is a perfect example of good parenting. They monitored telephone calls and computer time. They were aware of and responded with swift actions to the good, bad and ugly situation. They simultaneously supported their daughter by going to principal at her school, making the authority aware of the problem, and reprimanded their daughter for bad choices of words and irresponsible behavior. Finally, the parents allowed their daughter to work and earn back not only her cell phone, but the respect of her parents and others as she does some nice deed. All this was accomplished while the parents reinforced the values inherent in the discipline without drama, violence or recrimination. What a wonderful way to turn a potentially ugly situation into a positive way to teach values, appropriate behavior in a negative social arena, and a means to ‘save face’ for a burgeoning adult.    

Then there is the example of an anesthesiologist, Dr. Arthur Zilberstein, at Swedish Medical hospital who has had his license suspended and is charged with sexting and sending explicit selfies while on duty and in charge of patients. He is in trouble also for prescribing drugs without proper evaluation and treatment plan and also prescribing drugs to his girlfriend who was a former patient, and having sex with her in the doctors’ lounge and hospital call room, while on duty, leaving unattended patients under anesthesia, and improperly diagnosing and treating other patients.    

These are serious charges and very alarming when considering that if a person is under anesthesia, one can only trust that the medical team is ensuring one’s survival and optimal care. Who goes to the hospital with a checklist of questions for the medical team? Did you wash your hands? Is everyone on the medical team competent? Anyone have a personal problem that might affect his/her ability to do the job? You depend on the ethical and professional skills of the doctors and nurses to help you survive. I should not have to worry about staph infections, MRSA, or sexual predators.

The man-who-can’t-keep-it-in-his-pants has violated the medical code of ethics and jeopardized patients, exposing not only his genitals but his total disregard for the law, peers, institution and patients. For that he got a suspension and cannot practice in the state of Washington. Perhaps the positive thing about his selfies is that they will always be there on the Web, and future employers will have access to viewing them. Consequently, I can only hope that he cannot ever practice in another state, anytime, in his lifetime. Or mine. 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Happy!


Look! See Jacquie. See Jacquie doing a happy dance! Why is Jacquie happy?    

A profound change has happened in the bully arena. In an article published January 26, 2014 on TVNZ.com, the headline reads: “School ditches rules and loses bullies.” The principal, Bruce Mclachlan, at Swanson Primary School, in Aukland, New Zealand, signed up to be one of eight schools in an experimental study done by researchers at Aukland University of Technology and Otago University. Their goal was to promote active play. The principal went one further step and provided a playground free of “playtime rules.”

What happened over a two-year period is phenomenal. Children thrived on the playground, using their imaginations in “loose parts pit” which had stuff like wood, tires and an old fire hose. There was a decline in “bullying, serious injuries and vandalism, while concentration levels in class are increasing.” After a two-year trial period, there was no need for a timeout area or as many playground supervisors. The experimental study is testing the theory that risk taking allows for the development of the frontal lobe of the brain, “meaning they (children) work out consequences.” In other words, active learning--as opposed to gaming, TV, and "playing by the rules"--encourages children to work out problems on their own, with each other.    

Of course, the downside to active play is letting children take risks that might cause injuries. In the USA, parents have demanded and enforced through litigation, restrictive rules and supervision on the playground. Ironically, this may foster the very bullying environment that prevents children from learning to negotiate the physical and social skills necessary to get along with one another. Educators and parents would have to agree to ‘back off’ and allow children to navigate their physical and social surroundings without an adult compromising each encounter. Fine in theory, but do I want my child to possibly be hurt? It seems it is a trade-off that merits consideration from the research; free range play with minimal supervision has a domino effect on growth, brain development and learning, as well as social skills.

It is worthwhile to Google “School ditches rules…” and check out the other articles, YouTube videos, and comments about this not-so-new-idea. If enough parents were motivated to attend elementary PTA meetings and teacher/parent conferences with significant proof that something can be done to stop bullying, think how all children could benefit, both the victims and the perpetrators. I think it would be worth the risk of jettisoning rules on the playground for a happier, healthier childhood.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Why Teaching Self-Respect to Young Children Can Make a Difference

I recently came upon the following interesting article on the importance of teaching self-respect to young children. I agree that modeling self-respect and respect for others is key at any age but so important to children under 10. If we can help a child build a strong foundation of self-respective behaviors, he will have a solid base to make good choices as he grows up.

Teaching Kids Self-Respect Early is Critical
by Lorna Blumen, parenting and bullying expert
Respect for self and others drives important life decisions, from the friends we choose, to the opportunities we reach out to (or hide from). It affects the way we approach school and work, and influences the quality of our relationships.So when do we need to start talking to our kids about self-respect? The answer is early - when kids are under 10-years-old.

Why focus on self-respect in young children? Though there's a big difference between a four-year-old and a 10-year-old (or even between two 10-year-olds), at the end of the day we want our kids to be competent, confident, and independent. Respect for self helps build those traits - traits which will help kids through the challenging preteen and teen years, when kids start making choices on their own, with lots of peer influence. Respect for others encourages empathy and helps kids learn behavioural boundaries, especially under duress.

Read more here>>

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Support from My Readers

Writing Forcing the Hand of God has given me a definitive sense of accomplishment. Throughout the process, I’ve felt a lot of support from family and friends, and some folks even sent me some kind words applauding my efforts (a big thank-you to all of you!). Below are some of the amazing comments I’ve received from readers:

I have pondered many times how to express my impression of “FORCING the HAND of GOD”
From the start, one is drawn in, first to the family, then to the dilemmas, then to the feeling that I was with the pilot, in the left seat, throttles full open as the wheels broke free of the runway. Through the words and minds of these characters, I am the mother, wife and son existing each day torn apart not just by geography, but by the beating heart of each person. This book is pure pleasure and a must read!
Love ya—
Stephany

I really loved "Forcing the Hand of God." The writing was lively and created vivid pictures in my mind. I thought the interplay between the two time periods and locales was especially well handled. And, of course, as an old military airplane buff, I was delighted with your depth of information on and descriptions of the Flying Tigers at work. (For instance, I was fascinated to learn that P-38s were flown by the "Tigers." I had not known that before.) You obviously did an enormous amount of research. I have just sent copies to the St. Louis Reams and Kirsten in Santa Barbara. Lyn, who was with us last week, has one too.
—Lorna

Prepared for a sense of WWII from a pilot’s point of view, I was moved by the interspersing of life on the home front. Having recently read letters written home by my own father, this gave me a certain insight as to what loved ones went through as daily life continued. The ever present shadow of fear clouding the mundane. —Heidi Clarke

Tell Jacquie that I read her book last year and just never got around to letting her know. It was good reading and very well written.
—Jim Hodges (flight instructor at Queen City)